Now then!  Back again.

Just had a week away in Hungary, Budapest to be specific.

I have to say, it's excellent there.

There's no wokeness at all, no rainbows all over the place and no trans nonsense.

TV adverts don't feature mixed race couples at all let alone in every other ad like over here.

No stupid coloured hair or "look at me" dickheads.

There's hope yet, if we stop being retarded like America and more like Hungary.


frozen roast

Person pays fuck all for a shit dinner and expects it to be good shocker!


YouGov Surveys

Is Authoritarianism good?


It's Mothers Day

So of course the Lefty Weirdo "Everybody has to be included" gang post this on Facebook:

 mothers day

So.. thinking of New Mums. OK.

Mums with broken hearts or people who don't have their Mum.  Yeah, I get that.

There's clearly lots of Mums who have lost their kids recently (or just ever I suppose) who might get a little upset.  And those who may have lost their Mum might feel a little upset today.

BUT - "Those that have chosen not to be Mums"

What the actual fuck?  I am 100% certain that women who have chosen not to have kids for whatever reason most certainly aren't getting their knickers in a twist over a day that doesn't include them!  Stop trying to include everybody in everything.  It's like saying "It's my birthday today but I'm thinking of those whose birthday it isn't!"

Fuck. Off.


The Lockdown Files

Here's my thoughts


clarkson arrested

I'm not going to do a full article on this as it's along the same lines as Michael Carroll is rich again, thanks to Bitcoin!More fake adverts and Peter Jones is dead, long live Peter Jones

Basically, it links to an article that says Jeremy Clarkson was on "This Morning" and he showed people how he made money quickly with some software that bought and sold Bitcoin.

Even though the screenshot of Clarkson was a different show entirely!

And he made so much money he was arrested by the Police afterwards.  Because making money by buying Bitcoin and then selling it for profit is apparently massively illegal.

And here's the proof, look, it's definitely not really badly photoshopped or anything.


Aren't pandemics strange?

It's almost like they're planned 


And finally...


Not only is Velma now gay (maybe she always was, but we didn't need to know) but she's now also changed colour.

Is she the daughter of Consuela from Family Guy?

Who knows.


What religion most favours Capitalism?

Islam, because all they think about are the Prophets.


(I'm here all week, try the veal).


Clarkson's Farm

A review.


We're being ripped off bruv


If gas prices are now the SAME price as they were in September 2021 why are our bills so high?

This country just rips people off.


Fifteen Minute Cities

I mentioned them last time, here's an article about them.


And finally...

Ragwatch has some new customers.


Until next time!  

Now then folks!  We'd say Happy New Year but Christmas is a mere distant memory now.

Hope you managed to have a good break, we certainly did at Toast Towers - we've been on strike since the 1st January because we believe that ranters and satire writers should get a big pay rise.

Sadly Fishi Bumcrack or whatever he's called disagreed so we've gone back to work.  Unlike the lazy civic servant scum.

Anyway, over Christmas we managed to get onto the latest version of Joomla which was quite a lot of fucking about and there was a bit of downtime due to arsey servers and having to restore backups but we made it.

You probably can't tell the difference but behind the scenes it's radically different.  We'll be testing some new templates thoughout the course of the year to try and give ourselves a new look, we've had the same format since the relaunch in 2015.


Anyway, apologies for this update being late, it was supposed to have been out last Tuesday - blame the cunts at Virgin Media for a total loss of service for DAYS.

Get your retarded looking kid to pull weird faces at it?


Would I lie to you?

Still think the media tells you the truth?  Nope, even in 2023 they're feeding you more bullshit than ever.

Take this for example:

carole flu 1

NHS England couldn't wait to get "Carole" out there.  She was "recently" hospitalised with flu.

"Looking back, not having the vaccine was stupid", she says.  She'd urge everyone to get one.

Even those who don't need it.

I mean, she doesn't look too ill there does she?  And surely if she's still in hospital with "flu" then she'd not be up for having pictures taken etc.

I've had flu a few times in my life and let me tell you, you know when you have it.  The last time I had it, in March 2013, if I'd had been offered death I'd have honestly taken it, given just how awful I felt.

This was AFTER having the so-called flu vaccine in the previous October when told to have it.

But wait on...

carole flu 2

Because it turns out "Carole" is actually a NURSE! She's a senior nurse at a care home in Buckinghamshire and has featured on MANY photoshoots for the NHS.

Can you say "Crisis Actor"?

These people have no shame.


dance around kitchen
Dance around the kitchen? Seems legit.


Woke Software Development

Yeah, really.


contains botulism

Yeah because it contains botulism and you'll shite for weeks


 What does the future hold?

Have we already lived our best life?


And finally...

Some more Ragwatch nonsense!



Hey all, back again!

First up, here's an article about the current state of the country.



zombie virus pfizer

Pfizer are already working on a "vaccine" for it.


Rag Watch

We've got a new Rag Watch for you!


Velma from Scooby Doo

Is a Lezza.


And finally...

We have to wish all readers a very Happy Christmas.  Thank you to all who supported The Toast this year, it's been a difficult one!

We have to thank those who kept us going when we went a bit AWOL.

Rest assured, we've renewed for another year!

Thanks to all who sent stuff in, even if it was just linking up to articles - everything is appreciated.

This will be the last update of the year; over the Christmas holidays I'll be upgrading to the latest version of Joomla.  This is a major upgrade which entails lots of "fucking about" (technical term) so if we disappear we've either been "had away" (not Hadaway, that's different) or I've fucked it up!

Have a lovely Christmas folks, see you on the other side.

xxx (No homo) 


PM Rishi Sunak has been at COP27 which is a climate change event and not a defendant in another police corruption scandal.

Anyway, at the event he promised "climate reparations" to countries such as Pakistan.

Wait on, we're paying Pakistan for what?  Oh, it's because we started the industrial revolution and therefore we must owe them money for hundreds of years of pollution.

Utter madness.  At a time where people are going to struggle to put food on the table as well as heat their homes AND still be able to subscribe to "Babes TV"  we're giving money away to other countries.

We don't owe any other country a thing.  Correct me if I'm wrong but we've given money to countries before who have had disasters, where does that money go?

Does it not go towards fixing the problem they had before?  It must not do.

And really, should we be giving money to ANY country that has a space programme?  Should we fuck.


COVID Amnesty

The Atlantic suggested we have a COVID Amnesty. 

I suggest getting fucked.


And finally...

Here's Monkey Pods Episode 2 - Just Stop, Just Stop Oil.