Welcome back!  See, I told you I would be more regular... It's the All Bran wot dunnit.


So, what's up first this time?

My clickbait brings all the wasps to the yard.


The country has lost its Queen

and also its head.


And finally...

Got a treat for you!  We've a new feature called "Monkey Pods" which is essentially a pod cast type thing.

Episode 1 talks about that bloody Birds Eye Green Cuisine (Chicken Free Dippers) advert.

Check it out, it's not safe for work or kids.


Until next time!

Hey all!  Good to be back again.  I've just finished a major personal project too so have a bit more time again too.

So, what's happened recently?  Anything?

Well, the weather was warm.  People said it was the hottest it had ever been and they couldn't stand the heat.

These same people jet off to Mexico, Spain, Greece et al every year in search of, well, similar if not hotter temperatures.

People said it was climate change, that we must DO something right fucking now or else.

But when you look at the temperatures, we have seen similar ones before:

hot summers

I suppose that doesn't fit a narrative though, more of which later.


Play the race card

This article suggests "Blacks and Asians were more likely to get a COVID fine than White people in West Yorkshire"

What's it mean?  Well, the human rights lefties at "Liberty" claims that Black and Asian people were more likely to get fined for breeching lockdown rules than White people.

And is that a problem?  Well, let's see.

As the article states, "West Yorkshire Police issued 3,953 fixed penalty notices for breaches of coronavirus regulations between March 2020 and January 2022, where an ethnicity was stated."

Break it down for me, Monkey Boy.

2,639 were given to White people.

210 were given to Black people.

So the remaning 1104 were given to Asians, one has to assume?

I'm not seeing the maths add up with the claim here that Blacks and Asians were more likely to be fined when clearly White people were MORE THAN DOUBLE the amount of the others.

Of course, the article talks about percentages so it tries to claim that because Black people make up less of the population then they were more likely to get a fine.  It's clearly not true when you look at the figures.

Interestingly though, when you read the article and the Police response, it talks about racism and discrimination but specifically seems to talk about Black people.  It's almost like racism is something that is reserved just for Black people.

Even if the figures showed Blacks and Asians did actually get more fines (which we know they didn't) that could quite easily be fathomed out.  It's not racism on the coppers behalf, I know from personal experience from where I was living at the time of the lockdown that Asians didn't go along with it.  They didn't close their mosques, they all still congregated at each others houses etc.  If you're going to do that then surely they can't then claim racism?

It's truly an awful article.


Social Media Shitheads

The New batch


Can't Pay, Won't Pay, Don't Pay

Some people are going to struggle to pay energy bills, some just won't bother.


Would I lie to you?

Still think the media tells you the truth?

Take a look at this article from the Daily Fail.

It claims a Ukrainian pensioner shot down a Russian plane with a rifle.

didnt happen

I mean, come the fuck on!  Are we really that gullible to believe a sophisticated plane was just brought down by a half blind old duffer with a "rifle"?


The article states he "Collected debris from the exploded jet which he keeps in his garage"

OK, so he found some shit then went to the local news or whatever and said, "Ayup lads (he's from Yorkshire, see) I've shot this fucking plane down like"

And the local news, police, army and everyone just believed him.  Probably clapped too.

I mean, it MUST have happened right, cos he's got a gun and everything slung over his shoulder.

I used to have shotguns but it doesn't mean I was responsible for any "events" occurring.  Not that you can prove anyway, copper.

Old fool is like the Jay Cartwright of Ukraine and everyone just believes him.

I'm not even sure that gun is actually a rifle either!


And finally...

The Queen dies, aged 96.


Hey all!

"And where have you been?"

Well, to be quite honest with you, I needed a break from it all.  After the last 2 years I felt a little, well, battle fatigued.  Constantly pushing back against the shite we're being bombarded with takes its toll eventually and I decided to step away from it for a while.  Admittedly, it wasn't intended to take this long a break but the longer I stayed away the harder it got to come back.

But I'm back now, with added yippety-dip and zing zang spillip.

So, what happened whilst I was away?

Well COVID went away, didn't it?

Cue lots of "Oh my god, what are you on about?  People are still dying, man!"

Historically, people die every day.  People are still dying of cancer, of flu, of all manner of stuff.  Why is it only people who have died WITH COVID matter?

Yes, cases had gone through the roof again recently, but cases have never corresponded with illness.  Besides, cases are back to March levels now.  Panic over.


What else happened? Oh Ukraine, that's right.  A war started by a bad man.

Let's tackle that in a dedicated article.


Social Media Shitheads

Ukraine edition


Emma Raducandu

is the Joe Johnson of tennis


Mock the Week

Has been cancelled.


Beth Wetter

Didn't watch the last series of Killing Eve


Anything else happen?

Oh yeah.  The CEO of Pfizer who said their vaccine was 100% effective in stopping infection, transmission and hospitalisation AND who also admitted he and his family hadn't been vaccinated because he didn't "feel the need" (look it up) announced the other day that he has COVID and is "thankful" for the 4 vaccinations he's had.

Really?  I've doubted for sometime that these "elites" in society have really taken the vaccines but what I really don't understand is WHY these people feel the need to tell the whole world they have what is tantamount to a nasty cold?

I mean, putting it on Facebook telling your mates is one thing but putting it on Twitter for MILLIONS of people to see just doesn't make sense.

Speaking of which, there's a few friends of mine who had COVID this year who let's say previously did a bit of bedwetting.  Calling people covidiots, granny killers etc.

And you know what, not a single one of them has been poorly.  Either tested positive and no symptoms or symptoms so mild it's not worth even telling people about.

I honestly think a lot of people have finally woken up to it.  At last.


And finally...

Social Media Shitheads Part 2 - Facebook Fucktards





Well, it had to happen eventually... I was ravaged by Our Deadly Virus (tm).

Or not.  As it turned out, I didn't end up in ICU on a ventilator like all the COVID Cultists suggest happens to everyone.

I didn't need hospital treatment.

In fact, I've had worse colds in all honesty.

A sore throat for a week and a bit bunged up was the total payload of Our Deadly Virus (tm).

In other words, COVID has now mutated to be ... shock horror...  A COLD.


Would I lie to you?

Still think the Mainstream Media tell you the truth?

This must be the world's unluckiest man.  Here he is in 3 different hospitals at the same time:

man in 3 hospitals

Unvaccinated man has Omicron and is seriously ill.  Sure.



Speaking of being lied to.  Are we still suggesting that COVID has killed almost 160,000 in this country?  We are, aren't we?

So, you'll be surprised to learn then that this figure is, well, bullshit.

I know, right?

See, the ONS have finally revealed, due to a Freedom of Information request that the true number of people who died in the UK PURELY from COVID (i.e no underlying conditions) amounts to less than 8,000.

We locked down the country, destroyed children's education, destroyed people's livelihoods and potentially some industries for good for less than 8,000 people.

Isn't that sickening?

Oh, I know you're going to say, "But Mr Monkey, 8,000 people have died, are you heartless?"

And I shall retort with the fact that people die every day.  Less than 8,000 people in over 2 years is less than a normal flu season.  

The others who have died have died WITH the virus, simply not because of it.   In other words, they died within 28 days of testing positive and had underlying conditions; the average age of death still remains at 84 years old.


Finally in this part, the MSM wants to keep people fearing.  Take a look at the headline of this article about Lassa Fever:

lassa fever


"Deadly fever with pandemic potential"

Now read the body of the article highlighted:

There were 2 cases, it is incredibly rare and does not spread easily between people.

It's not airborne, it passes through bodily fluids.

See how these cunts want to keep you in fear forever?  Wankers.


 Long COVID...

The new Bad Back


block ads

Here's an advert telling how you how to block adverts.

Irony Factor 8, Mr Chekov.


A few things about COVID I'd like to know...

Why have no rich, white men died of COVID?  How come nothing happened to them?

Why have no celebrities died from it?  You see COVID theatre on game shows and chat shows (socially distanced and / or separated by plastic screens) yet they're all mingling together behind the scenes in the green room.

If masks make so much of a difference why are people allowed to just discard them on the floor?  If they're supposedly holding a deadly virus in it then why aren't there bio bins on every street, manned by a dude in a hazmat suit?


Social Media Shitheads - Mini Edition

facebook covid holiday

So, a friend's wife posted this the other day.

Cue loads of people with the "OMG!  I hope he's alright!" and "Hope he gets well soon!  How awful" posts.

It's almost like people don't bother to read the bit in brackets where it says HE HAS NO SYMPTOMS AND IS FINE.

You have become so conditioned to think that COVID is a killer that you shit your pants when you hear someone has it.  Stop it.

 Btw - They've gone on holiday now.  


Jimmy Carr

Is hate speech and should be sent to prison


And finally...

Pfizer - Heroes or Villains?