Phil the Greek has gone for a Burton

And straight away the vile Lefties are out in force calling him all sorts of names.

He was a paedophile, a Nazi and a racist - apparently

Yet, strangely there's no evidence to support any of those claims.

Not sure where the Nazi bit comes from given he's Greek not German, but it seems to be the standard go-to insult these days by the bedwetters.

And of course, all of these vile Lefties are dead against the Royals so they start fabricating claims about Meghan Markle...

Living rent free in their heads, she is. 

Let's be honest here, Phil served the Monarchy well.  He stayed in the shadows, never made it about himself and never leaked things to the press.

Despite what people think, he was very welcoming of both Diana and Meghan, knowing exactly how it felt to be an outsider.

RIP Big Man.


Meanwhile, a survey site doesn't quite understand how the Monarchy and Succession works...

queen stand down

I voted for Prince Andrew, of course.


Scott Markett

Scott is back with some more trading tips.


COVID Claptrap #1

The Spectator told us this week, "As many as one in three people with Covid-19 develop psychiatric illnesses such as depression, dementia, anxiety, psychosis and stroke in the six months after infection, a study has found", but just how true is this?  How many of these conditions such as anxiety and depression have been caused by being locked down?  How many people have suffered anxiety through the constant fearmongering served up on a daily basis by the media and Pol Potbelly himself, Bozo Johnson?

It's unfair to claim these conditions are an after-effect of COVID when we know that there are more people with psychiatric illnesses as a result of being told to stay at home or you'll die, for 12 fucking months.


Hitler in products

Remember in the last update where we covered Amazon changing their shopping app icon because a single person THOUGHT that it looked like Adolf Hitler?

Well, they'll shit themselves when they see these trainers made by Puma:

hitler trainers

Thanks to long time Toast fan Nick for this.  He tells us, "They make you run really fast through Europe"

He's not wrong!




COVID Claptrap #2

This week we were told that it is likely there will be another wave of COVID which will be even worse than the peak in January this year.  How is this even possible based off the number of vaccinations that have been carried out?

Answer - it was modelled on there being NO vaccinations at all.  That's just outright criminal fearmongering.


 And finally...

Over in Facebook Fuckwitts we have an idiot who is ashamed of her country.


Don't forget to follow us on Twitter or subscribe to the mailing list to get notifications of new updates.  See the About page for more info.

Until next time, friends.

Happy Easter everyone

So what's up this time?

Well, Tabatha is back with an article about SatNav's.


Amazon are Nazis

Amazon were forced to change the icon of their shopping app recently because, wait for it... one person THOUGHT the original icon looked like Adolf Hitler.


No shit.  Some absolute loon thought that the ribbon on the original logo (left above) looked like Hitler's moustache and was going to kick up a fuss.

I mean, it doesn't even look like Hitler, and they've had the logo for years.  You've got to be seriously mentally ill to think it looks remotely like Hitler.

This person probably sees Saddam Hussein in Bran Flakes and Idi Amin in a loaf of Sunblest - so why did Amazon head this off at the pass and change the logo?

They should have shamed the idiot, rather than pandering to 1 person.  Hell, they should have just had the fool taken out.


Things that are racist this week



And finally...

In Facebook Fuckwitts this week we have an Instagram Nonce who claims the Queen is no longer the Queen due to Astra Zeneca.

Until next time!

(PS - Don't forget you can sign up for the Mailing List to get notified of updates!)



Sorry, sorry!  I really need to get back to updating at least weekly!  I'm thinking about doing smaller updates to keep it regular.

Anyway, there's been all manner of stuff going off hasn't there!

So let's jump straight in.

Meghan blooming Markle.


A new writer!

Yes indeed!  We have ourselves a new writer here at Toast Towers, I welcome our very own Lefty Snowflake Tabatha Higgs-Boson.

She's posh and always right.

This time she talks about Cancel Culture


The Politicisation of Sarah Everard

The death of a woman at the hands of a copper has become so much more than it should thanks to some shameless people.


And finally...

 We have another new writer, Scott Markett who gives us his thoughts on the Stock Market.

He has some tips for what to look out for in April.

Emotional Blackmail

Heard those annoying COVID adverts on the radio?


Satire? No sir. 

I was going to do a satire piece on a teacher not turning up for online lessons due to snow and then I saw this..

school snow day

I mean, we've all experienced school closures (either for ourselves or our kids) due to snow but this takes the piss.  It seems schools close now when there's a flake of snow in the air, which wouldn't have happened in my day.  These days schools probably shut when there's a kid with rampant dandruff, thinking it's snowing.

Snow is not an excuse to stop homeschooling.  By god, our kids are getting a shit enough education online as it is without teachers doing crap like this.

We need the schools opening, and fast.


Maxine oin Vaccines

Maxine is back, this time reviewing the Pfizer vaccine.


GB News

Let's cancel it before it's begun.


(Once again) Queen Latifah is back

They've brought back the classic 80s series The Equalizer.


And finally...

 We haven't had a foray in the World of Woke for a while.

We do now though, He-Man is back!



Welcome back folks!

So this week the EU got even more childish.  First it went from "Hey UK, you have a surplus of the AZ / Oxford vaccine, we DEMAND you send it to us" to "Well, actually, that vaccine doesn't work so we won't give it to anyone.  Nah nah nah nah nahhh"

The EU really love us, honest!  

Anyway, here's live scenes of Astra Zeneca making surplus supplies of the vaccine available to the EU...

Environmental Toxic Waste


I want to live foreverrrrrr

Look at this and tell me what's wrong here:

twitter twins

Apart from the rude word, obviously.  They are 96 years old for fucks sake!

What is wrong with people?  Did she expect to live forever?  Did she expect her sister to only die at the same time as her?

You can blame Boris Johnson for an awful lot but unless he personally gave the sister COVID then it's not his fault is it?

I'd like to know HOW she got it, probably brought in by a family member.  Time to look closer to home there.


John Spiracy

Our Conspiracy nut John Spiracy is back, this time with a view on Snow.


Block 5G

Buy a Faraday cage for your router


Captain Tom

It was sad this week to learn of Captain Sir Tom's death.  But I've been annoyed at the media coverage of it.

You see, Captain Tom had been ill for some time with pneumonia.  Wasn't in the news, nobody was interested in it.

Until he contracted COVID, whilst in hospital.

Then it was all over the news!  Breaking News - Captain Tom in hospital with Coronavirus.

He already was IN hospital.

Let's also not forget the fact that he was ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD.

It's nuts.  Almost a year on, people are not allowed to die of anything other than COVID.

Let's be clear too, we don't even know if he had ANY symptoms at all.  His own daughter said he wasn't in ICU at any time or on a ventilator.  He might have just tested positive and been asymptomatic.

Which is why the shitty MK Online newspaper had to remove a link to a story which was titled "Captain Sir Tom dies after battle with Coronavirus".

There is no evidence at all to suggest he was battling COVID, he was ill with pneumonia for weeks - also the same reason he didn't have a vaccine, because the drugs are incompatible.

But don't worry because Conspiracy theorists know better!  Look at this shitweasel:

captain tom

Vanessa Gray says she bets Captain Sir Tom has the vaccine, despite HIS OWN DAUGHTER saying he hadn't.  And then, directly underneath says


Yes Vanessa, SIR TOM FUCKING JONES had the vaccine, you utter dick.

Presumably she can only read 3 letter at a time and saw the words SIR TOM, put 2 and 2 together and got Diane Abbott.

Thick bitch.


Speaking of Vaccines

We've another new guest writing for us.  Ladies and Gentlemen (and all the other 57 genders), I am proud to announce we now have Maxine Carr writing for us, she's going to be reviewing the different Vaccines.

In our new feature Maxine on Vaccines, this week she's reviewed the Astra Zeneca / Oxford vax.


And finally...

It was announced recently that Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, Angela Rayner claimed £1600 on 23 first class rail tickets as part of an overall figure costing almost £31k in 2020.

angela rayner expenses 1

angela rayner expenses 2

What's interesting abaout this story is the that none of my staunch Labour supporting Facebook friends who will literally comment on ANY article about ANY Tory had anything to say about it at all.

Had this been a Tory there would have been comments like, "Evil Tories taking again!", "Did they REALLY have to travel First Class?  It's just Elitism", "They could have spent that on a kids school dinner!"... etc

But no, there was not a peep out of any of them.  Weird that.

I mean, I'm not exactly defending the Tories, not am I having a pop at the ginger gob on legs for it, but where is the fallout over it?  

Personally I don't care what they claim as long as they're not taking the piss.  We've all been guilty of adding a few extra miles on to some travel expenses haven't we?  I'm not getting into the forensic accounting of it all.

But if we're going to have a go at one set of MP's for doing something, shouldn't the same apply to the rest?  And vice versa?

Next time the Tories expenses are published I'll point them all to the post about this and ask why they were silent then.  Labour really can do no wrong in some peoples eyes, but there really IS a difference between wanting the Tories out and having a different party in.  Don't be so blinkered.






Page 1 of 27

Copyright © 2000-2021 Monkey on Toast. All rights Reserved.