28th March 2017

Jesus Christ.

Where?!

Nowhere.

Where on earth does time go?  I can't believe it's been so long since the last update.

I've not been in prison or anything, honest, I just haven't had the time to sit down and write shit.

It's not like anything has happened in the last few months anyway, is it?

Oh.

So, what HAS happened?

Well, Donald Trump defied the odds and became the President of the United States of America, which is frankly fucking hilarious.

I don't think his time in office will be that long, and if all the snowflakes get their way he'll be impeached, probably for breaking wind in a public area or something.

You see, even though he was democratically elected, all the Clinton supporters chose to behave like spoiled little brats and spat their dummies out.  In fact, even idiots from the UK decided to join in the "He's not my President" bandwagon.  And you know what, you're goddamn right he's not your President, and you know why?

BECAUSE YOU'RE ENGLISH AND BORN IN WINCHESTER YOU FUCKING SHITEHAWK.

Ahem.

That's right, he's not your president because you're not American, in the same way that Kim Jong Un isn't my Supreme Being and Hassan Rouhani isn't my President because I'm not North Korean or Iranian.  It's not difficult really is it?  And you don't see me wandering about the streets with badly made placards, just saying.

The US Election result was this years Brexit referendum.  You can't change the result so stop trying.  You might not like it, but it happened, deal with it.

 


One man who didn't handle Trump being elected decided to create an online petition.

In the petition, Graham Guest wanted to prevent Trump from having a State Visit to the UK because it "would cause embarrassment to Her Majesty the Queen".

Nobody knows if he actually spoke to the Queen and asked her opinion or if he just fucking decided to speak on her behalf.

I'm plumping for the latter, to be honest.

And that sums up the general public right now, embarrassed or offended on another persons behalf just in case.  Now, I'm sure if the Queen really was that arsed she'd prevent the visit herself without needing some poor little leftie loon to go on OnlinePetitionForCryBabies.com

Anyway, the petition got enough votes to be discussed in Parliament.  The response?


WE LOOK FORWARD TO WELCOMING PRESIDENT TRUMP

So fuck you, Graham Guest, you crybaby. Awww diddums.


Not Graham Guest.  I think.

 

Meanwhile, in Scotland

Nicola "Wee Jimmy Kranky" Sturgeon has called for yet another Scottish Independence Referendum, because she didn't get the result she wanted first time.

She must be a fucking nightmare when X-Factor is on.

Now, the funny thing is, say Theresa "The Terminator" May allows a second, third or fourth referendum and Scotland actually votes for independence, who's to say that the EU would actually accept Scotland into the EU?  Sturgeon is assuming that because Scotland is part of Britain and Britain is currently in the EU then if Scotland is no longer part of Britain they'll be welcomed with open arms with immediate effect.

I beg to differ.

I reckon the EU would put Scotland to the back of the queue, behind Turkey and North Korea.

 

Mother of the Year

Unbelievable that the red tops ran with this, in the wake of the Karen Matthews drama, "The Moorside".

How they have the cheek to run with a Kate and Gerry were almost scammed when they've been scamming the public for 10 years about the disappearance of Maddie.

How much money have these absolute bastards had to look for a child that didn't go missing at all!  They're the evil ones.

 

Overcome with grief

On the day of the London attack at Westminster, someone at the BBC must have been really shook up.

Or still drunk from the night before.

Who knows.

 

Single and loving it

Over in Facebook Fuckwitt corner, we have a new nugget of wisdom.

 

And finally...

Game Maker King are being investigated by MI5

See you again soon, honest! :)

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