3rd December 2017

It's the third of December and already people have their trees up and today I've actually seen people dressed in Christmas outfits heading off to a Christmas party.

What the fuck?

Listen up, it's too bloody early, alright?

Why on earth do people have their trees up so early?  That damn thing is going to be in your way for the next month.

It seems us Brits just love to celebrate stuff!  A couple of weeks ago I was talking to someone who told me they were having turkey to celebrate "Thanksgiving".

When I asked if her family had Americans she replied, "No, we just thought we'd celebrate"

Celebrate what, exactly?! Thanksgiving is an American event which came about by the Pilgrims celebrating their first harvest.

You're celebrating it because you like turkey.  Dick.

(Not turkey dick, that's different.  Dirty bitch)

I just don't get it.

It seems us Brits will literally celebrate anything, and as each year passes celebrate it earlier.

Halloween, shops start decorating weeks before it now.  Pubs that used to put the decorations up a couple of days before now put them up a couple of weeks before.

Kinda ruins the surprise somewhat.

There's a house round the corner, it's got a side window.  The woman who owns the house must celebrate the opening of a packet of fucking crisps as that window is made up of something every bloody week.  I shit you not, after Halloween there were figurines of Guy Fawkes in the window to celebrate Bonfire Night.

I'm going to start finding all the bizarre "weeks" and "days" that people make up, such as "Nice Gopher Week" and put a reminder through her door, see if the window has a load of gophers in it.  Might even buy her a Gordon the Gopher from Ebay and send it to her house.


More Gender shite!

Can't we just stop this crap now?


Let's ban everything, ever!

Did you hear about the woman who wanted the book "Sleeping Beauty" removing from her kids school because she believes it promotes "inappropriate behaviour"?

I mean, what the fuck?

This is a book dating back to the 1600's, but according to Sarah "Knows fuck" Hall, it promotes inappropriate sexual behaviour because the Prince kisses Sleeping Beauty while she is asleep and therefore she does not give consent.

Well, fucking really!

I assume she's never read the book or seen a pantomine (oh yes she has!) or one of the many film adaptations of it?  It's hardly a hotbed of rape, debauchery and intrigue.

The story isn't about sex, the kiss could be anything.  It could be a touch, it could be anything innocent.

It's not 3 fingers up her dry bracket whilst she's comatose off 3 Blue WKD's.

For fucks sake!

If we're going to get all arsey, where's the consent from the poor bastard Frog in "The Frog Prince" eh?  Oh, that's right, #metoo only works one way.


And finally...

New shit adverts

I appear to be very angry this week.

Until next time!

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