7th January 2018

Happy New Year!

Hope you all had a great Christmas, back to the grindstone now though!

When I was out walking the dog around Christmas time I noticed (being the nosey bastard that I am) that there seemed to be more houses than ever that didn't have decorations up.

This has to be 1 of 2 things:

  1. People can't be arsed with it anymore
  2. There's more Asians moved to the area


Anyway, remember the update from 3rd December where I said there's a house that seems to celebrate everything?  Well, I was out walking the dog on Boxing Day and they'd taken their decorations down that day!  I mean, why would you bother?  

I've heard people moaning on the radio saying they took their decorations down on the 26th or 27th!  Here's an idea, how about not putting your decorations up in fucking August then you might not be sick of them by Boxing Day.


Speaking of Christmas

As we all know, 2017 was the year of the snowflake.  Those offended by everything, whether it sounds logical or not.

Well it seems it's taken 33 years for someone to finally be offended by Band Aid's "Do they know it's Christmas?"

I don't mean offended as in, "God this is shit", because that was me in 1984.  I mean, properly offended!

Now, don't get me wrong, I hate the record as much as I hate the scruffy bastard that is Bob Geldof, but the record was clearly put together at short notice to try and help those in the famines of Ethiopia.

When the scruffy, tax avoiding, hoofwanking pisstrowel and his perma-sunglasses wearing jizzwhisk mate, Bono put the project together they weren't trying to offend people, they were trying to do some good.  Thirty three years on it seems a bit trite, what with all the virtue signalling going on from the pair of them over the years (despite paying as little tax as can be) but imagine being offended at a song 33 years after it came out!

The sticking point seems to appear that someone has decided it's racist and totally incorrect.

Racist?  No.

Incorrect, yes in some respects.  I'd say it's more inaccurate than anything.

I'd say it's probably correct to say that lines like:

"There won't be snow in Ethiopia this Christmas time..." and "Feed Ethiopia... let them know..."

aren't quite as catchy.  So yes, it does generalize and suggest Africa = Ethiopia.

But when you hear the song, it is synonymous with Ethiopia, the news reports, the kid with the fucking fat belly and you shouting at the TV, "Wipe that fucking fly off your face you cunt!"


"Where nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow"

Except for like, you know - The Nile.

Or the Congo.

Which incidentally, is full of Um-Bongo.

I shit you not.

So anyway, back to the point, I'm sure there's more shit to be offended about than a song that you have probably heard countless times in your life but as being offended is the new black (I thought Leroy was the new black? Ed) then you thought, "Fuck it!  I'm in my 40's, I've been hearing this song for decades, but you know what!  It really sticks in my craw and by jove I'm going to be bally well fucked off about it".


More Christmas Shenanigans

Before Christmas there were loads of "Christmas is ruined" articles in the papers, mostly done to death now though.

Then I saw this one, which the Daily Fail ran:

A Mother was told by Norwich Council to take this Christmas Tree down from her Stillborn son's grave.

It does look a bit tacky no? It's a 6 foot tree for crying out loud.

The story says the mother goes to visit her stillborn son on a regular basis and usually decorates his grave at different times of year.

Now, I'm not mocking the baby, I've known people who have suffered stillbirths and miscarriages.  I might be a cunt but give me some credit.

The story goes on to say that the mother has a daughter who goes with her to visit.

But this is where is gets a bit weird for me:

The boy, Oskar was stillborn in 2010.

She has a 4 year old daughter called Ola.

She goes on to say, "Ola loves Oskar"

How can she? Really?  She wasn't even born when Oskar was stillborn!  You can't love something you have never seen or known.

She might as well pat one of those charity dogs outside of the shops and say that was their old dog.

I wonder if she's told these lot are her brothers and sisters too?

(The one in the middle is a boy, right?)


More Ebay crap

If you thought, like I, that the Christmas Ebay radio adverts were Bad AIDS then the new adverts are an AIDS Omelette.  

If you haven't heard them yet, there's 2 - one for each gender (because there are only 2 you know) where the protagonist starts singing Kelly Clarkson's "Since you've been gone" however the word "gone" is replaced with "sold".

So it goes something like this:

Since you've been sold, doo der doo, I can breathe for the first time....

It's clearly aimed at the item that's been sold, but it's so annoying!  It's obviously meant to sound all amateurish, and I'm not sure what it is about the advert that boils my piss, it just does.

It seems Ebay are my current Advert Nemesis.  Damn them, and their returns policy.


And finally...

Facebook Fuckwitts on Phil Collins

Until next time, my Pedigree Chums.

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