25th March 2018

A woman was arrested this week after blowing a toy trumpet at a policeman.

Good to see our plod's "lack of resources" put to good use again.

The lady was arrested at a protest about cutting down trees in Sheffield.

Arrested at a tree protest? I hope the copper was from Special Branch.


Plane crazy

There was "uproar" according to a shitty red top newspaper this week after a pilot and his co-pilot were filmed messing about with Snapchat.

Whilst flying the plane.

Shock horror!  Sack them now and send them to prison!

Maybe not, see a) There wasn't uproar or anything of the sort - only the paper itself, and b) The plane was fitted with this new fangled device called "Auto pilot".

Clearly the newspaper has never heard of it.  It also clearly was not aware that this auto pilot thingy is active when the plane is cruising.

So apart from sitting around what are the pilots going to do?

An auto pilot yesterday

But this whole thing struck me further, because it's with the advent of camera phones that people have become what I can only describe as "Right grassing bastards".

See, before camera phones none of this shit happened.  People weren't taking out their Polaroid or Kodak Disc cameras to get evidence of well, it's not even wrong doing, it's just being a twat.

"I'll show them bastards at the council for blocking my driveway!  I'll send a picture of the van to them just as soon as it comes back from Truprint", said no-one ever.

The whole thing about camera phones just seems to be people going out of their way to be nasty, finding reasons to grass on people or make people look bad.

There's an account on Twitter which retweets some usually spectacularly bad parking.  The account, aptly named "You park like a cunt" (YPLAC) is usually pretty humorous in that it showcases some shockingly bad parking, many of which appear to be in supermarket car parks.  But, there are times when someone gets a bee in their bonnet about a van parked somewhere and really takes the hump.

I've seen people moaning about vans parked on kerbs etc, with the associated company copied into the tweet.  Why would you do that?  Why would you try and get someone into trouble for parking somewhere where frankly they might even need to be?  It's not like you're providing evidence of someone driving a truck whilst holding a mobile phone, which in my opinion is worth grassing over.

It just seems to be the norm now that we're constantly looking for things to take a snap of and can't wait to try and get some poor fucker sacked.


Hate Crime

Who'd be a TV critic?


It were the Ruskis

Classic blame game these days.  But as the fallout (no pun intended) continues over the poisoning of a former spy and his daughter a few things don't seem right.

The attack happened not far from where the substance was actually invented.

We knew what the substance was immediately, despite tests requiring 2-3 days for accurate results.

We're blaming Russia who are saying it's not them.  Fair enough, I've got kids and according to them they've never done anything wrong either.  Maybe they're Russian?

Anyway, I digress, we're blaming Russia but using that old, "You did it, prove to us it wasn't you!" tactic.

Which is a bit like talking religion with someone and getting them to prove there is a God and they retort with, "Prove there isn't".

Errrr OK, well the fact nobody has ever seen him or her or it or Xis/Xer/ABC and all the shit that goes on in the world pretty much wins the debate by default.

But prove otherwise and I'll believe you all day long.

So, Russia have to prove to May-Bot that they weren't in the country going to restaurants and poisoning people.  That's quite easy really, look at the passports.

Or maybe intelligence, if we fucking had any.

But this leads me on to something else, bear with me here.

What if WE poisoned those people, so that we then have a reason to cancel Brexit?

Think about it, May was a Remainer.  She can't suddenly go from being Pro Remain to Pro Leave and be happy about it.  The fact that we're making fuck all progress in Brexit negotiations says she's not keen.  She's totally out of her depth as a PM.

But what if this was used now to try and show Russia in a bad light (Yes, I KNOW they're bastards, they're not exactly the best behaved country going) and therefore end up along the lines of, "Russia are a set of shits.  To be honest we're better off with our friends (guffaw) in the EU, therefore Brexit is postponed until such time they're not a threat.  Or after I have left office and it's some other poor Tobys problem."

I mean, fucking hell, say it in a May-Bot voice!  I'm one convincing bastard.

Now, would you like to buy some pegs?


And finally...

Don't be a speakphone paedophile.


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