12th April 2016

Making a (petrol) bomb

So I see Asda aren’t so quick to tell the world when petrol prices have increased as they are when they bring it down?

It's gone up 3 times in 2 weeks now, pretty sure oil prices are still on their arse though. #RipOffBritain


What next for Britain?

With Britain seemingly in an ever-declining state of industry and business what happens next?

The high streets are dead these days; there’s only so many charity shops and coffee shops to go round and they’re usually next door to each other.

At some point I’m sure some bright spark will try and get a win-win by opening a charity shop that sells coffees too.  Whether it’s 2nd hand coffee grounds remains to be seen.

So what do we do with the empty shops that are all over the High Street?

Open another bookies?  Open another £1 shop?

Does the High Street need such things?  Of course it doesn’t.

And then of course there will be the obligatory shops that open up in completely the wrong location.

Yes of course, that satellite TV shop will have lots of customers – you’re going to be inundated.  No really.

Ah, a wedding shop, yes, that’s what the town needs.  No really.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for people starting businesses and trying to make a go of things but at least have a think beforehand how successful your business is going to be, not just the type of business but your location.

For the record, the satellite shop lasted about a month. 

There’s computer repair and sales shops, and I always wish the best of luck to these guys.  If you’ve gone from working for someone like PC World and have some knowledge (so probably not suited for PC World, as it goes) and you’ve gone out on your own then good luck to you.

I’m sure local people will probably give you a try, but the masses will still flock to the retail parks.  I can understand people’s nervousness though, what use is a 12 month guarantee when the shop has disappeared after 3?

It really is a sad indictment of society, and while the supermarkets make life a little easier for us all to get all our items from one place is it really what we want?

Give your local butchers a go, use your local greengrocers and most importantly, use your local dealers.


Robinson CrusoeRobinson Crusoe was beginning to worry about his off-shore accounts


Wine, wine, wine, it's all the French do.

French winemakers have sent tens of thousands of litres of Spanish wine gushing onto the motorway in southern France, in protest at mass produced foreign wine entering the country.

Gazza Loves WineOne man in particular was over the moon about it.


More Facebook Fuckery

Facebook, as I said in a previous update seems to attract people who believe everything they read or see on it.

Classic example, last week someone posted a picture of a demonstration in Iceland (the country, not the frozen food shop). 

Written over the top of the picture were some words claiming the picture was from the previous night where people were protesting over the Icelandic Prime Minister’s tax affairs and the Panama Papers.

Having suspected I’d seen the picture before I did a quick reverse image search and found the same picture (sans text) on several blogs back in 2012 and 2013.

When I suggested to the person on Facebook that the picture was not from the previous evening at all, the response, which took me aback was, “So what, it still happened

But here’s the rub, it DIDN’T happen did it?

Yes, the picture IS real and the protest or demonstration DID take place - several years ago, I shall grant you that.  However, someone has taken a picture of people protesting in Iceland, written some lies on it about being the previous evening and how people power forced the PM to resign.

No, it didn’t.  If the mass protest was anything like the picture then it would have been all over the news and guess what, it wasn’t.

But it was posted on Facebook by someone with no credentials at all.  Make it true does it?

Suffice to say, said retard was removed as one of my “Friends”, a task long overdue based on previous fuckwittery.

As the tax scandal rumbles on (for which there will shortly be a separate article) as do the claims on Facebook, again written by those NOT in the know, desperate to get LIKES.

David Cameron paid no tax at all”, claims one. 

Plenty of responses - sack him, resign, get him out.

However there is no proof whatsoever this is true, not a shred.

I won’t go into it further here, this is all about the Facebook.

I’m all in favour of using social media to out those who do wrong, and oust those in power who are committing crimes, but it requires a modicum of common sense to be between the ears of the Facebooker. 

Sadly, this is all too often lacking and people will believe absolutely anything.

I’m going to put this on Facebook and see how far it goes, just to prove a point:

Tax dodging paedophile

Having seen so much shite on Facebook over the years I’ve decided it’s time to start debunking it!

So, I hereby officially announce the opening of Monkey on Toast: Facebook Fuckwitt Corner.

We’ll also be selling tea, coffee and satellite boxes. 


Panama CigarsRolled in Great Britain, tax paid nowhere.


And finally...

As promised earlier, here's a rant about David Cameron and tax in general.


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