Satire

A secret Brexit deal was leaked last week, a Monkey on Toast Secret Brexit Deal correspondant claims.

It is thought the deal will see the UK staying IN the EU, paying towards the EU and being governed by the EU - exactly as it is now, with the exception that the UK will "officially identify as out of the EU".

The deal, which Prime Minister Theresa May has called "splendid" is a slap in the face for Brexiteers, but as is all too common these days that anyone can identify as anything and they can bloody well have their own way.

^{Brexit negotiations last week}

A total plonker from Preston claims Roulette Wheels are racist.

The idiot made the startling claim in a Facebook post whilst ranting on about racism and being a general retard.

Kevin Jambon was discussing racism with friends when he hit upon the idea that Roulette Wheels are "evil and racist".

When asked to elaborate on his outlandish claim he said that the colours on the Routlette Wheel were "Black and Red, which represents Black people like those from Africa and Jamayca (sic)"

He continued, "And the red numbers represent Red Indians, like them from Red India".

Whilst he typed away, no doubt furiously and gammon faced, his friends awaited his further enlightenment.

"And just look at the ball!  It's white!  A white ball ON TOP of Blacks and Reds!  That just shows the oppression that Blacks and Reds face every bloody day!"

As he became more animated in his Mother's basement (and underwear) he continued, "And when people bet they PUT MONEY ON!  They put something ON a Black or a Red!  Trying to keep them down!  It's disgusting racism!"

When Kevin's friend, Steve Dave asked about the Green one Kevin logged off and hasn't been on Facebook since.

Trans Activists have slammed Margaret Atwood's novel and TV series, "The Handmaid's Tale" after claiming it does not represent them.

Trans women are incensed at the lack of Trans characters in the show which features a regime similar to ISIS in their thinking, where women are used solely as baby machines and homosexuality in punishable by death.

"The lack of Trans characters just shows the level of bigotry that goes on around us", says Helena Bumhole-Garter, spokesman [SPOKESPERSON, Ed] of the group "Trans Made Tales" - a group set up due to having far too much time on their hands.

However, Trans Men have hit back themslves, claiming to be similarly overlooked and have demanded  a spin-off show which replaces women with Trans Men and want it to be called "The Handmaid's Tail".

The Vegan curse knows no bounds, and now matters have got worse as they switch their spotlight on animals.

The weirdos who love to tell you they're Vegans are trying to encourage animals to stop eating other animals.

Karen Dogooder from Bromley in Kent has put together a group and plans to head out to Africa later in the year.

"Our goal is to stop animals from eating meat, basically stop eating each other and instead eat the more wholesome foods", she said while our correspondent tried desperately to maintain a straight face.

"Imagine encouraging a lion to stop hunting and eating gazelle and instead graze on a bit of Tofu.  Wouldn't that be just great?", she continued hysterically.

Let's hope the lions and tigers eat the Vegans instead.