Satire

The Vegan curse knows no bounds, and now matters have got worse as they switch their spotlight on animals.

The weirdos who love to tell you they're Vegans are trying to encourage animals to stop eating other animals.

Karen Dogooder from Bromley in Kent has put together a group and plans to head out to Africa later in the year.

"Our goal is to stop animals from eating meat, basically stop eating each other and instead eat the more wholesome foods", she said while our correspondent tried desperately to maintain a straight face.

"Imagine encouraging a lion to stop hunting and eating gazelle and instead graze on a bit of Tofu.  Wouldn't that be just great?", she continued hysterically.

Let's hope the lions and tigers eat the Vegans instead.

Players of First Person Shooter games like Call of Duty could be tried for war crimes a leading tosspot claims.

Brian Leant from Tonbridge in Kent made the claim during a seminar around the rights of computer game characters.

Leant, 54, who still lives with his mum and is thought to be a rampant paedophile says that computer game characters should have rights and that diplomacy should be invoked prior to engaging in shooting.

Leant says that the player should attempt to talk through their problem with the character first rather than just pumping them full of lead, ripping them to pieces and scattering gory body parts everywhere.  

"I believe that those who don't try the diplomatic option first and just shoot on sight should be tried for war crimes".

What a twat.

A Black South African is suing Zynga Games amid claims he owns the land from a computer game.

Tony Umbongo claims that time spent on the game Farmville should be rewarded with actual land.

"I worked that land for years", says Tony who's a little bit gullible and a total cock.

"That land is mine, I worked hard for it.  Grew stuff, reared animals, even had a cheeky bum with a goat", he continued.

"And now I want it back!  I'm uprising like the Blacks in South Africa and Zimbabwe!  We want our land back off Whitey!"

At this, our correspondent, a hot white piece of ass made her excuses and left.

Black and Brown wheelie bins are racist according to a massive knobhead.

Darren Bracton from Clacton made the startling claim whilst in a state of advanced refreshment.

Bracton said, "We put rubbish in bins, sometimes they're black, sometimes brown.  That suggest that black and brown people are full of rubbish".

When it was put to him that plastic bins have been black pretty much from day one because that was the easiest to manufacture he did backtrack a little and then toddled off for some cheese and onion crisps from the bar.

Fucking weapon.