Radical weather extremists and general miserable gits are demanding that Christmas cards are changed.

The Campaign for Real Christmas Card Scenes (CaRCCS) say that as the weather has evolved, the scenes that illustrate Christmas on cards are no longer accurate.

"We just want Christmas cards to reflect how the weather is these days", says Barry Pfeffer, "the cards picture a scene of snow and jolliness whereas these days the Christmas season is usually rainy and windy and a bit turd".

The new real life Christmas cards will be on sale at Moonpig soon and in all good card stockists (as well as some shit ones)

Radical Vegans are demanding the city of Birmingham change name, as they're offended by the meaty title.

A spokesman for the radical organisation "Vegans Against Fun" or VAF say the name of the city should not reflect any type of meat as meat is murder, man.

"We demand Birmingham be renamed to either Birmingville or Birminghsoya", said Pete Trotsky, very weakly.

"And while we are at it", he stammered inbetween hunger pangs, "Let's rename anywhere that sounds meaty or fishy.  Soya is the way forward!"

Pete sadly died not long after. 

He won't be missed.

An utter tit from Milwaukee says that hit TV show The Walking Dead should be inclusive of Zombies.

Dominic Sexwee says, "Zombies are people too.  Or at least they used to be and as such they should be included in relationships between other characters"

 The utter nutjob made the claim on his blog, "The Wanking Dead" where he's written all sorts of wishy-washy bullshit that nobody reads (Takes one to know one, Ed)

Sexwee is campaigning for Eugene to have a sexual relationship with a zombie, preferably a female.

It is thought AMC are seriously considering adding this to the next season, although there are fears that as zombies can't talk there will be a crowd of bed wetting shit gibbons claiming the sex is non-consensual and will create a #ZeeToo hashtag.

There are also fears of a backlash from the LGBT brigade as it gets extended yet again to LGBTZ.


Trans women are demanding their say on FGM, Female Genital Mutilation, says a leading someone somewhere.

While most people are calling for an outright ban on the horrific act, TWA (Trans Women Activists, not the airline) are calling for it to be their choice.

"I'd at least like a say in whether my new lady bits are hacked off", says Candy Pritchard (AKA Dave)

"It's just massively unfair, I feel like we've always having to fight for our rights to things other women just naturally have!", she, er, he, er it continued.

"We might not want to be hacked to bits but I'd bloody well like the choice", Candy said, again.  To be honest, they're getting boring now.

As you can see, Candy is definitely a woman and not at all a dude in a dress with a beard.  No sir, all woman.



Road traffic signs could be under review after a cretinous fuck-sock claimed they were racist.

Kevin Ball-Bagg, a builder from Essex made a startling claim whilst in a taxi with his mate Martin Nobhausen.

Ball-Bag, 37, claims that some signs give an air of white supremacy.

"Some signs give an air of white supremacy", he says, "I mean, just fackin' look at the priority sign for example, it's a great big fackin' white arrow to indicate which way has priority.  If that's not fackin' racist I don't know what is!"

Martin, however, attempted to defuse the situation, "Nah maaaaate, it's just a fackin' sign, innit!  It don't mean a fing, you daft fucker".

When asked what colour would be more appropriate for the sign, Ball-Bag was stumped.

"Brown? Nah, black, nah, er. I don't fackin' know do I?  I'm just a fackin' build you cunt!"

And there we have it folks, an absolute mallet.

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