A man from Chesterfield almost died this week when he forgot to breathe.
Kevin Mincemeat, 25 said, "I watched the Prime Ministers speech on Sunday and thought I knew everything there was about life but later on I just physically stopped breathing!"
Kevin, a currently fuloughed printer physically stopped breathing because Boris Johnson didn't tell him he needed to in his speech.
"Boris Johnson didn't tell me I needed to breathe, so I didn't", he said, "I just thought, 'Oh, I don't need to breathe if old BoJo hasn't told me to, like'".
Kevin, who is known as a bit of a plonker will be fired into sun for stupidity just as soon as flights resume.