BBC to make own baking show

Following the loss of "The Great British Bake Off" to Channel 4, we can exclusively reveal the BBC is currently producing their own baking show.

"The Great Brexit Cake Off" will continue where "GBBO" left off, with people making cakes and shitty jokes.

And for fans of Mel and Sue, don't worry as there will still be a Mel and Sue around the place on the new show.

The BBC has hired Melvyn Hayes and Sue Cook, who hasn't worked since Crimewatch and it seems has aged terribly.

(I used to fancy the pants off her, Ed)

Mel and Sue, the new Mel and Sue

The new show begins immediately after the old one, and will cost £15,000 a year to make.

Fans of the original show are devastated but are coming round to the idea of a homegrown BBC show, featuring delicacies such as Rice Krispie Cakes, Corn Flake Cakes and Flapjacks.

"I love Bake Off!", said one boring bastard, "It's the best thing on TV by far!"

A leaked script has made its way into the hands of an MoT mole and already there are plans for the naughty jokes to continue.

We're able to publish the following excerpt:

Mel: Hey Sue!  How's your cupcake doing?

Sue: Oh Mel, it's moist.  Its positively sopping wet, think I drizzled too much.

Mel: Like your vagina?

Sue: I wish, I'm as dry as a dead dingo's donger these days

Mel: Oh.

Sue: What about you? How's your French Stick coming along?

Mel: Oh, it's gone a bit stale to be honest.  It hasn't gone hard though.  It never does these days.

Sue: That's a shame, I was looking forward to munching on your hot beef baguette

Mel: Isn't this supposed to be about baking?  We're just flirting with each other and using food as euphemisms for our genitalia

Sue: Well, the old Mel and Sue did it.

Mel: Yeah, but one of them was a (mouths silently) LESBIAN

Sue: Shit the bed, Mel.

 

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