Supermarkets revamping online shop

Supermarkets are set to revamp their internet shopping portals in a bid to make them more realistic, Monkey on Toast Retail Analysts can exclusively reveal. 
  
The plan, yet to be formally announced will see the big 4 Supermarkets come together to collaborate on a range of technology to bring the supermarket experience to the customer’s home or work desk. 
  
The system is expected to feature the best parts of shopping along with the more challenging elements, designed to get people to appreciate the supermarkets more and bring them back in store. 
  
The system, currently codenamed “Operation Desperation” is expected to utilise a layer of features dependent on the supermarket itself. 
  
For example, Ocado, the upmarket online presence for Waitrose is planning on interrupting the user’s experience with a selection of attractive ladies in various states of dress. 
  
A supermarket insider told our analysts, “Tesco is planning to suddenly pull offers while the user is buying the item, for example a 2 for £4 offer will suddenly change to £5 each.” 
  
However, it is thought the superstore will randomly display pictures of Liz Hurley to counteract the negative experience. 
  
Value supermarkets Aldi and Lidl will  use the lower layer of the platform and will interrupt your shopping by showing you pictures of obese women with no teeth and see through leggings shouting at a kid called “Liam” (pronounced Leeummm) who has thrown himself on the floor, kids eating sweets before they’ve been to the checkout and smelly blokes looking for cheap cider. 
 
Every little helps.
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