Paedophiles are putting pictures of rainbows in their windows to try and entice children, we can reveal.

It is thought that prior to the lockdown of the United Kingdom due to Coronavirus, parents were putting pictures in their windows to suggest their house was safe for children to play.

However, post lockdown the pictures are being used to tell people to "Stay safe".

But it emerged this week that paedophiles are exploting this and putting pictures in their windows in the hope that kids will still visit or might go round to play once the lockdown is relaxed.

rainbow signs

Two nonces from Sheffield were outed on Thursday as trying to entice kids into their homes using the pictures, one even had the slogan "I'm Corona free, come play with me"

 

A hipster from Didsbury was in peril last night when it emerged he'd run out of beard oil.

Grant Fiscal, 34, posted to his local WhatsApp group to say he'd exhausted his supply of the grooming product and was unsure what to do next.

After receiving many replies to the group, mainly via emoji's such as em loudly crying faceem face screaming in fear

and

em astonished face

someone suggest that, like, the Internet is still switched on and you can still order beard oil online.

em bearded person

Happy Grant.

A British man panicked this week as he got down to his last 80th tea bag.

Mike "Earl" Grey from Bromley, Kent said he didn't know what to do as he was almost out of his favourite drink and didn't know when he'd be able to get more tea bags.

A Monkey on Toast Tea Bag correspondent sourced some tea bags from almost every shop and various online resources for Mike, who it turns out is just a lazy, overreacting oddball.

More to come.

A software developer from Swansea has continued to self isolate through the Corona Virus crisis, taking his self isolation period to almost 15 years.

Mike Jones, 51 says he began self isolating back in July 2005 because he, "doesn't like to be around people" and is "generally an anti-social bastard".

When a Monkey on Toast Software Development Self Isolating Correspondent investigated it further she found it to be very common.

Our correspondent, Dave, says she found that most developers are happy to sit locked away in houses for months on end with no social interaction other than over Slack and Microsoft Teams.

Imagine our surprise. 

A Millennial is suing a shoe shop worker after claiming the assistant scared her.

Melanie Hall from Crawley says the assistant, Billy Sitch at the Dulwich branch of Freeman, Hardy Willis deliberately frightened her while showing her a pair of boots.

"I was looking at some shoes when the assistant asked to me look at some boots!  Well, I jumped out my skin and a bit of wee came out", she says.

We spoke to Billy who told us, "I was just directing her to some boots which I thought suited more than the 'comfortable shoes' she was buying.  As soon as I said 'Boo' she had screamed and I think she wet her pants"

Melanie is part of a new breed of Millennial who are scared of simple noises and the word Boots now conjures up frightening visions for her.

"Everytime I hear the word I see ghosts trying to frighten me!  I'm ever so scared"

When we asked her what her favourite high street pharmacy was she replied, "Super Drug".

Disappointing.

 

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