Britain's stupidest man is a back to millionaire status again!  Yay!

britains stupidest bitcoin

Yes, it's true, HONEST!!  The lovable rogue massive tit-end who won circa £7m on the National Lottery then blew it all on a house, cars, beer and drugs is rich again because of BITCOIN!

Yes, indeed, he was on "This Morning" with Holly and Phil where he told everyone all about the Bitcoin System.

Wait a second!

 

This would be the same "This Morning" (with Holly and Phil) where Peter JonesAnt McPartlin and that Akshay lad told the world about Bitcoin System?  

Oh, so it's not true then?

Sadly not.  You see, if Michael Carroll was down to his last £195, instead of putting it into the Bitcoin System, he'd buy a gram of coke, some beer and probably just waste the rest.

Who is going to be next on the "This Morning Bitcoin System" adverts?  I really hope it's Nicholas Lyndhurst or one of Black Lace.

 

When I saw this advert on Facebook I thought, "Oh I didn't know Peter Jones was dead.  That's not been on the news".

peter jones is dead bitcoin

So I clicked it, and what I saw was not a news website telling me how he'd died in a freak yachting accident or that he'd been murdered by Antifa, no it turns out the "Dreadful day in Britain" turned out to be an advert for, wait for it... BITCOIN!  Who the fuck knew?

You've probably guessed by now that I love a quality Bitcoin advert, and this smelled of fakeness within ooh, nanoseconds.

Purporting to be a Forbes article, this was anything but.

forbes bitcoin

Click here for the article that absolutely isn't Forbes.

So, what does the article tell us?

Well, it claims that Peter Jones went on "This Morning with Holly and Phil" and told them both how he "made millions of dollars over the last few months outside of [his] regular businesses".

 Dollars eh?  Oh right.

Go on.

"I'll explain what Bitcoin System is in just a bit. But first, to prove how amazing this system really is. Holly, I'm going to give you £190 to deposit and try it for yourself right now."

Jones then wrote a check to Holly for £190, which she deposited into the system to try for herself. Within minutes, Holly's jaw dropped open as she began making a real profit - on live television!

Ah right.  He wrote out a cheque on air.  Holly then took it to her bank and waited 3 days for it to clear before depositing said funds into the system.  That sounds like a terribly boring episode of This Morning.

 

Within minutes, naturally, Holly began making money LIVE ON AIR!

Bloody astounded she was.

holly amazed

See.  Astounded.

Peter Jones then went to (NOT) say, "That's why I use Bitcoin System to do it for me automatically. It's is backed by Bill Gates, Richard Branson and Mark Zuckerberg - some of the smartest tech minds on the planet".

Richard Branson, a smart tech mind?  Get in the fucking sea.

Jones then swore, LIVE on THIS MORNING WITH HOLLY AND PHIL by saying, "Now I'm not going to bullshit you or your viewers. Not every trade is a profitable one. See, the automated software using advanced machine learning and data modelling to make trades. To be honest, I barely know what that means besides it works very well".

Think this is a load of bullshit yet?

Good, I'm glad, because people will fall for this.  Toast readers won't of course as you're the smart ones. 

Then there's a picture of a guy called James Howie who supposedly phoned the show.  A quick Google Image Search and look!

There's an almost identical article but instead of Peter Jones it's Gordon Ramsey.

He too wrote out a cheque for £195 and gave it to Holly who deposited and started earning money.

Oh and there's Holly astounded all over again.

Frankly I'm astouded too.  She's already worn that top on TV.

And of course there's the obligatory "Reader Results".

 

Hold on, who's this?

lily peterson bitcoin

It's Lily!  She's making $3k+ a week!

Brexit's a fucker then, because before, she was earning £3k+ a week.

bitcoin scam lily

See.

If this system was truly any good they wouldn't need to create fake adverts,the results would speak for themselves.

 

Many moons ago we featured a terribly fake advert where a website claimed Ant McPartlin had invested heavily in a Bitcoin "system" that made him "thousands of pounds a week".

It claimed that Ant heard about the program on Dragons Den, which I'm sure you're not surprised to learn also turned out to be a load of shit.

Well, several times in the last couple of weeks I've received this quality e-mail:

bitcoin this morning

The e-mail claims that Akshay made an absolute fortune by using an "automated trading platform" which buys Bitcoin low and sells high.

He demonstrated it on This Morning where he got Holly to deposit £200 into the system and within 3 minutes she's made £143.18 profit.

Sounds neat, huh?

A little bit odd though, the person who appears on the show isn't the person who wrote the software.  He's just a random "student who earns £40k a month".

OK. Sign me up.

But wait!

Because Akshay isn't a student at all.  And nor did he demonstrate any software at all.

A quick search on Youtube as I did reveals that Akshay is actually...

 

ashkay this morning

Ashkay Ruparelia, the founder and managing director of online estate agent doorsteps.co.uk.

So, absolutely nothing to do with Bitcoin or trading software at all.

What a load of horseshit, but I'm sure some people will fall for these scams.

I'm sure you've seen this advert loads of times on the internet?

wifi blast shop

It tells us, "Finally, there is a new plug-in device that can double internet speeds and wifi reach"

This isn't it.  Because a simple reverse image search tells me that the device above is in fact...

 

blaze advert

The Blaze - A kickstarter project for an IoT device, created by Kevin Webster.  Presumably that's for when he's not fixing cars or having extra marital affairs?

Any way, so that was quite easy to debunk.  Let's go to the advert for the actual "device" on Wifiblastshop.com

Right off the bat, the author of the advert sounds like a dick.

Starts off saying he convinced his boss to let him work from home, and on day one it took 5 minutes for his e-mail to come up.  Hmm had he not experienced this on his network previously with any of his own devices?

We'll never know, he's not thought of that bit of bullshit yet.

So, what happens next?  Well, "Barry" from his ISP turns up and after he's been plied with booze, tells him the problem he's facing:

 

Router throttling, man,” he said. “So, yeah, when you sign up, they give you the speeds you asked for. At first. But after a while, they throttle the bandwidth in your router. The internet going to your house hasn’t changed, so it’ll say you’re still up to speed. But the router doesn’t have the same output as it used to.

I blinked as it started to dawn on me, just what Barry was saying...

It’s their little game,” he said. “Suddenly, your internet’s not going so fast, but you can’t actually prove that it’s slower. Since the numbers look okay, you probably just have to ‘upgrade’ to the next package. Which is more expensive, of course.

OK, what a load of bollocks.

Is he really suggesting that his ISP maintain the speed from their network to his router that he's paying for then limit the "bandwidth" from his router?  Why on earth would they do that?

This "little game" he mentions, who wins if that was the case?  His ISP?  They gain nothing from it at all.  When an ISP throttles it limits the bandwidth to your router, not inside your house!  They don't save any money by doing that.  And what if you hardwired your devices?  They wouldn't be affected.

Apart from that being completer bollocks, there are 2 other angles here:

1 - Your ISP most likely won't have access to your router to change settings on it anyway.  Sure, if you don't change the default password they might be able to get onto it, but there really isn't a "Secret ISP throttling" option for them to turn on. I'm also pretty certain they're not allowed to log on to your router and change settings.

2 - What if you don't use the router your ISP send you? 

See how preposterous it sounds?

So what happens next?

Barry smiled at me and held one finger in the air as he finished his beer. Then he went out to the truck and returned with a small white device. He plugged it in the wall and dusted off his hands with a “watch this” smirk on his face.

 

wifi repeater

Ah.. So, THAT's the device that will make your life better is it?  Not the mini touch screen thing you tried to pass off earlier.  I'm not sure I trust you now.

OK Barry, what is it and what does it do?

You didn’t get this from me, man,” he said. “It’s a WiFiBlast. It reconnects the split channels from your router and blasts it across the house. Trust me, man, you’re not gonna have any troubles with speed anymore.

 

Oh, thanks Barry.  You sound like a hippy, man.

How does it work?

According to the advert:

The internet that goes from the wire into your modem/router is measured in bandwidth. It’s basically a measurement of how fast your internet is. As mentioned above, ISPs throttle this bandwidth. (Seriously, I had to look it up and it turns out it’s a huge controversy!) All in an effort to get you to pay them more.

But the WiFiBlast prevents this throttling by keeping open the maximum bandwidth. And the ISPs can’t tamper with it. You following me? Good.

Basically, it’s internet you’re currently getting, but boosted.

It’s quite the nifty little device...

 

The WifiBlast prevents throttling.  Right.

And how do I know if I need one?

Well, the short answer is, if you live in the UK, you need it. In fact, a recent survey showed that 87% of UK residents are unhappy with their internet service provider, and it’s easy to see why...

All ISPs throttle their customers… and now, millions of UK residents are finally fighting back with the WiFiBlast.

Symptoms of WiFi Throttling:

    • Slow WiFi speeds in certain rooms
    • Certain devices can’t connect to WiFi (This is a BIG indicator)
    • Connection drops at random times
    • There are dead zones in the house
    • WiFi networks disappear and reappear entirely
    • Slow video streaming (YouTube, Netflix, etc.)
    • Laggy online video game play

 

All that's describing is a shit wifi network.  Wifi slow in some rooms?  Your wifi is shit.  Your house has thick walls.  Wifi can't get through thick walls.

Dead zones in the house.  Isn't that the same as point 1?

It's just a load of nonsense.

Now, they call the device a "WifiBlast" which is bollocks really, because it's just a Wifi repeater.  A simple Amazon search will return you a host of Wifi repeaters, and most of them look the same as the image above, simply because they're a cheap, generic Chinese piece of shit.

Are they any good?  From experience (I tried one to see if it would help with a CCTV issue, it didn't) no.  They connect to your Wifi and essentially rebroadcast your network.

They might be useful to add a bit of Wifi to a room that's struggling but generally I thought it pretty crap.

 

This advert is absolutely appalling, it targets people with no technical knowledge but at the same time it contradicts itself.  

It also suggests that Wifi is the Internet, which is fucking well isn't!  You can have Wifi (e.g A Wireless network) without having access to the internet.

That's another advert torn to pieces, if you come across any worth investigating (or simply taking the piss out of) then send it in!

Who here has seen that new Tampax advert?  It's essentially a fake TV chat show where 2 women are talking about tampons.

The show, called "Tampons and Tea" tells women (not Trans Women, of course) how to correctly insert a tampon.

The strapline seems to be "Not just the tip, right up to the grip", which is a tad worrying, overly graphic and a bit disgusting at the same time.

tampax advert

I mean, I'm not a squimish guy.  I know how all this stuff works but how necessary is it?

And everytime I see this advert it seems to be tea time, so thanks for that.

It just seems a little unncessary if you ask me.  I get that some people might not know how to use them the first couple of times, but are there really people out there who see this advert and go, "Oh shit!  So that's why my undies are soaked with blood everytime I have my monthly? Thank god I have learned how to use them after 20 years."

Surely the box has a leaflet in, that must have some proper instructions, right?

I just don't want to see this kind of advert really, especially when I'm eating.

It puts me right off my medium-rare steak.

 

Page 1 of 3

Copyright © 2000-2020 Monkey on Toast. All rights Reserved.