I hate these shitty Christmas adverts that Ebay run on the radio, every damn ad break.

There's 2 of them, and they're both bad, bad AIDS.

The adverts follow a theme, person is opening present.

They read out the name of who it's for - that would be them, right?

They make a comment on the paper, snowmen or whatever and how well wrapped it is.

Then they've got into it and it's something they've wanted for ages.

In one case it's a pair of trainers which are apparently sold out everywhere.  Lucky for them, somebody bought them some knock-offs or stolen ones from Ebay.

In the other advert, the woman does a mini intake of breath followed by a huge intake whilst she exclaims, "No way!  I have wanted this fitness track for AGES!  How did you know?"

Probably because you've not stopped banging on about the fucking thing for months, love.

What the advert doesn't then go on to explain is that in the case of the trainers, they are indeed cheap knock-offs, made by Oddidas, and they don't fit the chap because he's a size 8 and these Claire Rayners are a size H.

And sorry love, your fitness tracker is broken.  Dead on arrival, see.

But it's OK, you can return it for a full refund or replacement, right?

Oh, what do you mean it was bought 2nd hand from someone who received a bunch of them off the back of a lorry and they're all fucked?  No, you've got rights, right?  

Well, you thought so until you realise that the seller ABC999 was a fly-by-night Ebay account who's sold a load of stuff and then closed their account.


Ebay, fill your cart with disputes.

Merry Christmas.

According to this advert, "Antibiotics, we're wonderful pills, but don't ever think we'll cure all of your ills"

Sounds fair enough, I don't expect them to sort out my farmers, but I really don't understand the advert's greater meaning.

What it tells us is that antibiotics shouldn't be taken for just anything, and rightly so.  But one question, who the fuck is?

Antibiotics can only be obtained with a prescription, not over the counter like your Canesten.

So that assumes you've been lucky enough to see a GP who has given you a prescription for your ailment.

It's hard enough to get a GP appointment within 5 days, unless you're practically at deaths door but then you'd go to A&E anyway.  And GP's are notoriously reluctant to give out antibiotics these days unless they're absolutely necessary.

So where does this advert think we're getting all these lovely AB's from to take willy-nilly?

As far as I'm aware there isn't an easy to access black market (racist - Ed) where you can buy a load of Amoxicillin on the off chance that rash on your cock is curable without having surgery.

(Although I hope there is)

It just seems a silly advert, completely pointless.


Ain't nobody, loves me better

That TUI advert is not just AIDS, it's Bad AIDS.

In fact, if it was a meal, it would be AIDS Benedict.

I absolutely despise this advert.  It's made by cunts for cunts and contains utter cunts.

Look at that woman up there, you could fit a pound coin between them teeth.  She's such a smug bitch.

"Oh look at me, I'm going on holiday"

Yeah, hopefully you fall off the balcony, you fucking jizzwhisk.

And the music!

They've taken a classic by Rufus and Chaka Khan and sort of just pretended to be a posh Brit by more or less talking the lyrics of the song in the same way that Ellie Goulding and all of her ilk do in their "songs".

There's a thing at the moment for taking good 80's tracks and just royally fucking them up.  Stop it!

TUI - Pooey more like.


Workshy Chef

James Martin it seems, doesn't like Mondays.

Or Tuesdays.

Or in fact, any day.

His radio adverts for Asda are bloody well annoying.

They all start with "James Martin here, I don't usually do <insert current day>" and then go on to host a fake phone call from some "Mum" who can't get her teenage sons to eat more greens or as per last Tuesday and again today it's "Kelly" who has some school mums coming round for lunch tomorrow.

Kelly must be a right thick bint if she can't remember that she spoke to his Martinship last week and he told her to make Cauliflower Cous-Cous.

The dirty bastard.

I hate these kind of adverts where a member of the public has just phoned a "celeb".

So far I've heard it every day since Sunday this week, so if James Martin isn't working, what's he up to?

Fuck knows but it'll involve some shite recipe, that's for damn sure.

And he didn't even try to get off with Kelly.

As I do a bit of driving, commuting to and from work I listen to the radio, a lot.

Because I don't listen to pap like Radio 1 or whatever it's called these days (apparently Bruno Brookes isn't on anymore and it's not on 275 and 285 either) I have to endure commercial radio station adverts.

And by god there's some shit ones.

One of my favourites though is the one for the Hedgehog Gutter Brush.  I heard it for the first time in a couple of years the other day, I was delighted.

Anyway, shit adverts on the radio.

Have you ever heard an advert on the radio and a couple of weeks later it's been altered?

Well, Local Heroes, the Rated People equivalent by British Gas has a campaign at the moment that begins with a woman whose accent is VERY South Western.

It started with (say this in a Wurzels accent and you're cooking on gas, British Gas):

"If you have to scream and shout if you've a U-bend that needs straightening out"

But last week it's changed to:

"If you have to scream and shout if your plumbing's gone right up the spout".

Why have they changed it?

I bet some utter dick has complained because someone literally tried to straighten a U-bend.  Even though I'd have thought it was obvious that "straighten out" means fix, it's a nice play on words.

And then there's the current Tesco advert which is to advertise their 1 day grocery deliveries.

It's one of those adverts that can't just settle for telling us things, no, they have to use sound effects for everything.

The advert details things the person will do in a day, before getting home to have tea and realising there's no food in the fridge.

One of the things the person will do during the day is "Have a cheeky catchup with the girlies", which involves the sound effect of women giving it an "Oh hiiiii" or "Hello you" or some shit, it does my head in. If she's been out with the girls during the day, she ain't gonna be in a fit state to cook anyway is she?  It's just as well she's got no food in.

With any luck she'll try and do some chips, fall asleep and the chip pan catches fire.

Won't be so keen on a "cheeky" catchup next time, will she?

On that subject, why do things have to be cheeky?  I mean, what's cheeky about having a catchup with friends? It's only cheeky if the drink calls you a cunt.

I hate the use of the word cheeky in every day life.  Cheeky Nandos.  What is cheeky about some shit chicken?  Absolutely fuck all.

Maybe it's the fucking price that's cheeky, isn't it?

I listen to a lot of adverts, they do go in and stay there, right before I pull them to pieces!  There's not many good adverts on the radio, most of them are shite.

Except the Hedgehog Gutter Brush, that's a bloody marvel.

Thousands, if not millions of pounds goes into rebranding your firm, making sure you’re still in the public eye and that people know the new you is the old you but with a new name.

Business and advertising go hand in hand, and for some industries it’s imperative to stay in the forefront of people’s minds when they’re contemplating buying something new.

And for CSL that’s no different.

CSL, as you may be aware are a furniture manufacturer.  We’ve seen their adverts many times.

They then changed their name to Sofaworks, we all remember their Gogglebox sponsorship ads don't we?  The ones with Neil, the Sofaworks sloth?

Got it.

However, Sofaworks had to change their name back in February this year because they lost a court case against a competitor who had a product of the same name.

So they rename themselves Sofology.

Fair enough, decent name I guess.  Could be worse.

Then they need a catchy jingle or piece of music to add to the advert.

Millions of pounds goes to some agency somewhere and it comes back with….

"1,2,3, Sofology"


Let’s take the name of the company and see what rhymes really badly with it.

"Ology... G... I know!  Three!"

1,2,3, Sofology.

If that’s the best they can up with then I’m in the wrong job. 

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