Generation Snowflake: The Job Interview

I was wondering the other day just how the current set of millennial snowflakes will fare in things like job interviews in the future.

I mean, half of them are unable to string a sentence together to begin with but can you imagine the way an interview might go?  They'd have to actually speak and not get offended at the slightest thing.

Interviewer: Can you tell me why you want the job?

Snowflake: I want to make a difference to world peace and give all people equal rights

I: But this is just a shelf stacking job

S: I know!  But tins and jars have rights too! 

I: We work in shift patterns here

S: I'm not sure that will work for me

I: Why not?

S: I'm time-neutral

I: ?

S: Some days I get up early and some days I get up late

I: Well that's just fine then, because that's what shifts are, we put you on a rota

S: A rota?  How oppressive!  You're actually a Nazi, like literally!

I: We don't allow any members of the Nazi Party to work here

S: Except you!  I mean, you're like telling me when I should be working.  That's slave labour

I: You'd be working on a pattern with other people, you'd be paid, there's nothing "slave" about it

S: So, what's the pay?

I: It's minimum wage to begin with, so that's £7.38 per hour

S: What?  So I get paid by the hour?  What if I want to earn like £50k?

I: Then you'd need to work very hard and work your way up the ladder.  Nobody earns that stacking shelves.

S: That's crazy!  I'm actually going to ring my mum!  [Rings mother, has a little cry about the nasty man]

I: I get the impression you're not keen on working for my organisation?

S: I.. hang on.  [Take phone out of pocket again, fires up Candy Crush]

I: Can you put the phone away please?  This is a job interview

S: Can we continue this over the phone?

I: Sorry?  You want a phone interview when you're sat right in front of me?

S: [Fires up Whatsapp]

I: Would you like me to talk further about the shift patterns?


I: OK, well, you'd be working 6 AM until 2 PM for 5 days a week, then 2 days off, then you'd be on a 2 PM until 10 PM shift after that.


I: I'm sensing these patterns won't work for you?  What patterns are you looking for?


I: Yeah, that's not going to work, I'm afraid.  I'll end the interview here.  Good luck in your search




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