Shit things about TV and Movies

Have you ever watched a TV show or film and thought “That’s not quite right”?

I don’t mean proper far-fetched things that action films throw at us but the more simple things that just wouldn’t or shouldn’t happen.

Here’s a list of the ones I’ve spotted over the years and still appear to happen quite regularly:

 

Drink Driving

It appears Americans don’t think twice about taking their car to a bar, getting hammered then driving home.

This is particularly prevalent in Cop shows where the Police, after a bit of a shitty day catching crooks or having buried “one of their own” take themselves off to a bar that seems to be frequented only by other cops, which also begs the question “If all the cops in the city are in this bar, who’s patrolling the streets?

Nobody ever stops them from drink driving.  There may be the odd suggestion that they are “too drunk to drive”, which suggests there is a level of drunkenness that makes it perfectly fine to get behind the wheel.

They always get home perfectly fine too.  They never weave all over the road or stop to be sick.  Or for a kebab.

With the US laws on drink driving being stricter than other countries it seems strange that TV shows and films would suggest this is OK behaviour.

 

Drinking AND Driving

People who drive trucks (what Joe Mangel would refer to as a “ute”) seem to be the most common people to drink whilst driving.

They think nothing of having a 4 pack of beers in the car, drinking whilst they’re bombing down the interstate.

Some even have a bottle of whiskey or non-descript liquor, sometimes in a brown paper bag, whilst they drive along.

They never get drunk, especially from necking straight spirits directly from the bottle.

 

Drinking in general

Americans in TV shows are the only people in the world who can drink neat spirits from a bottle and not pull that “Fucking hell” face afterwards.

It also seems that when it comes to beer, a 4-pack of “Piss Lite” is enough to get them so drunk they don’t know what they’re doing, losing all track of time etc.

But they’re perfectly capable of drinking a full bottle of whiskey in one go without being pissed or projectile vomiting afterwards.

 

Police

It seems British Police still record their interviews on reel-to-reel tape, despite it being 2016 and the only place you can buy blank ones is on E-bay.

It’s not as if there’s an abundance of Memorex or Scotch cassettes available these days either, aren’t the Police using digital voice recordings?

Not on TV they’re not.

In America of course, everyone has such a contempt for the boys in blue that if they turn up at a suspects door the suspect can just tell them to do one and that’s it.

Nobody ever gets nervous or tries to weasel out of it, it’s instant aggression every time.

And let’s not forget that confessions when they finally do come are always obtained on the suspects doorstep or in a house.  They’re never “taken down the precinct” to answer questions where the truth comes out whilst being recorded.

Can you imagine any of that standing up in court?

 

Computers

Computers aren’t normal ones in any TV show or film.  They run all manner of bespoke and crazy Operating Systems.

They all have a mouse next to the keyboard but nobody ever uses it.  That’s because the screen is character based rather than Windows.

Whenever anyone types on the keyboard the computer has to make some kind of electronic sound.  No computer has done that since the Oric Atmos, and there’s a reason for it, it is fucking annoying.

But suddenly there’s a new screen that’s all graphical, big 3D graphics and things spinning – where data scrolls up the screen willy-nilly.

Someone needs to go on a UX course.

And of course there’s the operating systems where when a program is running the code for it scrolls up the screen, whilst making a scroll type noise.

Then there’s the kids who understand absolutely everything about a computer they’ve never seen. 

Jurassic Park’s classic “Oh I know this, it’s Unix” whilst a fully 3D graphical environment whizzes about the place.

What 13 year old girl has had exposure to Unix in 1993?  And since when was Unix not a text based system?

 

Kids

As above, kids know EVERYTHING.

Star Wars episode 1 is a prime example.  Anakin “Bastard” Skywalker, a child who probably still wets the bed at night is able to fly and win races in what is ostensibly a spaceship.

To quote Wayne, “Shahhh, right”.

Kids are always somehow able to get one over their peers, parents or baddies.  They always know more than anyone else, even the experts.

I absolutely loathe kids in films.

 

There's now a part 2 here.

Copyright © 2000-2017 Monkey on Toast. All Rights Reserved.