Rag Watch

It must have been a ridiculously slow news day when the Daily Express ran with quite possibly the most banal headline I think I've ever seen.

Shock AND horror as family man loves doing family man stuff.

Still, at least it's not the News of the World, they'd have just made up something about his sex life or something.

Road rage killer Kenneth Noye is seen shopping for margarine!

FAKE NEWS!

That ain't margarine, that's Country Life that!  BUTTER not marge!

He probably needed some of that loot from the Brink's-Mat robbery to pay for it as well, fucking price of the stuff.

Mind you, at least he wasn't lording it up with Lurpak.

Yep, they're still at it!

My my, imagine your wife - even though you're not lesbian and married to an actual man looking EXACTLY LIKE YOU!

Says Prince Harry.  Must be from Burnley, or Sunderland.

I do love a good Rag Watch, and the newspapers & media in general are certainly getting worse, nay, more desperate!

First up this time:

How to cook crispy jacket potatoes in 25 minutes without using an oven.

Let me guess, the microwave?!  The standard way to cook a quick JP, as any fule no.

Or a fucking blowtorch.

Mind you, it could be an airfryer as the media have a real wide-on for them at the moment even though they've been around for years.

What really boils my piss in these kind of articles is the use of the word "hack".  A time-saving hack.

Fuck off, what's this "hack"?  It's not a hack is it?  It's a bloke who's just started using a 40 year old kitchen device to cook a JP when the rest of us have been doing this forever.

Hack indeed!  It's taken 2 people to write the article as well, holy shit.

Next!

Ten Hag nightmare "continues".

Has he had a nightmare for it to continue? No.

He's been given "another major headache at Manchester United", another?  What was the previous one?

Sounds really bad, whatever could have happened?

Oh, a young lad was a bit keen with a tackle in training.  But it has to be described as going "from bad to worse" even though there wasn't a "bad" to begin with?

Player "lashed out" at young lad.

Young lad told off.

And that last line... "Martial ended up apologising to the youngster, and Gore did too", fuck me, it's like it's written by an 8 year old who's struggling to end a story they've written at school!

And they all went home for tea.

Next!

Ah, England has been hit by a bug that feels like COVID but isn't!

Sooooo, it's a cold, right?  I mean, it's that time of year when it's colder and people are mingling in pubs, markets etc.

There's loads of these this year, the MEN has been going apeshit over a "Manc bug", literally a bug that's only affecting people from Manchester, honest.

What a load of old pap, it's almost like people didn't have flu or colds prior to COVID.  Come on people, wake up, COVID isn't the most important thing out there anymore, and it never should have been.

I love a good Rag Watch and here's a classic.

Disgraced weatherman Fred Talbot drinks a pint alone a year after jail release.

This apparently is news!

I mean, it's not like he escaped from prison and was lording it up in a pub waiting for the Old Bill to go take him back to prison is it?  Nope, he's served his time, he's entitled to go to a pub (or at least when he could back int he days of Tier 1 and 2!).

I don't understand the fascination of the papers to snap pictures of disgraced stars or ex cons doing normal every day things.

The article states that Talbot was pictured in a pub, "just a mile from the school where he abused his victims" as if his next port of call was to go back to the school to have another round of hide the sausage.

It's just ridiculous isn't it?  

Meanwhile, I need to keep tabs on The Daily Express as they're utterly obsessed with god awful articles about Jeremy Clarkson and his colleagues and BBC Breakfast, especially Naga.