So, we're still all Rona'd up in the UK although there's some people who just don't believe our PM, Boris had it at all.

 

Twitter gimp @Healosh claims:

So Boris Johnson shows Covid symptoms, goes to hospital, gets diagnosed with Covid, goes to intensive care, nearly dies, leaves intensive care, gets discharged from hospital, then tests negative for Covid. All in the space of 8 days. HE’S A MEDICAL MIRACLE.

 

I'm not sure where Healosh gets his figures from but Boris went into the hospital on the Sunday. There were rumours circulating Westminster 3 to 4 days prior to that he was somewhat poorlier than being made out, he was in hospital for 7 days.  When you factor it all in, it's more like 20 days.

These people just don't believe it, they even go as far as to believe "stories" put out by the Dorset Eye (yeah) which claims 2 nurses would not sign the official secrets act and were therefore put on leave.  Their names?

Shirley Knott and Ashleigh Pullin.

For gods sake.

Next you'll be saying The Onion is gospel!

 

Drivers

One thing I've noticed since lockdown is the amount of people who drive like absolute twonks because there's not many people on the road.  People are speeding like mad and the use of mobile phones is huge, I've seen loads of people filming themselves whilst driving.  These are the ones who need locking up.

 

Clap for Carers / Nurses

Haven't they got enough on their plates without worrying about contracting an STI?  Oh.

There's no doubt there's a load of great nurses and carers out there who don't get the recognition they deserve, there's also a lot who should never be anywhere near the profession.

However, this clapping on a Thursday night at 8pm is all a bit cringe now.  I mean, the first week yeah, it was moving.  The 2nd week was a bit "meh" and last week it looked like a bunch of demented baboons clanging saucepans with wooden spoons.

Come on, you're taking the piss now.

I have a neighbour over the road, well in her 70's who partakes.  It wouldn't be so bad but one of her daughters and grandkids visit her every day.  I don't mean talking at the end of her drive or anything, nope, they're on on the steps next to her.  The kids go in the house.

Well done you!

 

Another thing about this is that it seems OK for people to gather in large groups to clap the NHS and Police.

westminster bridge

This was Westminster Bridge this week.  No social distancing at all, the Police are as bad as everyone else there.

These are the same tits with rainbow pictures made by their feral offspring telling people to stay at home and not go out.

Hypocrites.

Closer to home, this is Blackburn Hospital on Thursday night.  Absolute set of ballbags.

Don't you dare tell us all to stay at home and preach to us like we're some thick bastards when you behave like this.

The general rule of thumb is this:

1 - You don't need to social distance or stay locked in your house if you're clapping the NHS or Police

2 - You can't catch Coronavirus on a Thursday evening at 8.

The Police are such arseholes.

 

Speaking of Police

Police State, your emergency.

 

And finally...

That new Tampax advert is bloody awful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, what's been happening of late?  Oh, wait Coronavirus.

I forgot.

We're still in lockdown and there's "celebrities" crying online because they're locked away.  Oh boo-fucking-hoo.

You're hardly locked away in a 1 bedroom appartment unable to get any exercise and fresh air are you?  No, you're locked away in a big house with a big garden in actual luxury.

Narcissistic bellend Sam Smith apears to go through "several states of quarantine meltdown" but wants everyone to know about it, just to try and keep himself relevant,

sam smith bellend

In reality, he looks like he's putting it on.  Speaking of putting it on, maybe try having a shower and getting out of your PJ's, Sam, you big twonk.

I suppose this time locked away gives him the chance to think of what he will identify as next and what pro-nouns we should all be using for him.

As well as "cunt".

 

The hoax

Some people believe Coronavirus is a hoax.

 

And finally...

Is Madelain McCann the cure for COVID-19?

 

 

Clearly the Coronavirus is going to be dominating our lives for the next few weeks, possibly months, I dunno.

We obviously need to halt the spread of the thing and people remaining at home as much as possible with limited trips to shops which will help massively.

But, what about those out for exercise or those who need to walk their dogs?

I've been taking my dog out after tea during the week as there's generally fewer people on the streets.  If I see another person coming towards me on the same side of the street then I'm crossing the road.

I feel like a white American in the 60's, crossing the road to avoid black people.  But, of course, it's a necessity.

I've been exaggerating my actions, purposefully so that others than see that I'm taking it seriously and hope they are too.

Seriously, 2 metres apart?  Ain't no sucker getting within 20 metres of me!  

But you know what?  Can you guess who are the most ignorant people I've seen about this whole social distancing thing since the lockdown on Tuesday?  RUNNERS.

Yep, I've seen them quite happily run past people without a care in the world.  They're not even 1 metre apart in most cases, they're close to touching the people they're passing.

They're running or jogging so likely to have their mouths open, breathing heavily, possibly spitting.  They're likely to be passing any germs on as they do so even without knowing it.

None of them have got anywhere near me as I'm on the other side of the road but it worries me that the people they are passing aren't shouting at them, telling them to keep their distance.

I'd be going ballistic if it was me!

I do know 3 people who go out running though and they're really taking this seriously so I can't criticise all of them but out of every person I've seen out and about the streets who are simply not abiding by the social distancing rules it's runners and joggers.

Which leads me on to something else.

Derbyshire Police have been using drones to shame walkers who are out on the peaks, which seems a bit draconian even in a time of lockdown.  You see, surely it's safer to be out there than trying to avoid hordes of people in the street?  Yes, we are in lockdown but it's simply not possible to expect people NOT to leave their houses at all.  People still have to exercise, and as I said, people need to walk dogs.  

I had an argument with someone on Twitter a few days ago about this where I suggested that I can drive 10-15 minutes and be out in the countryside.  I can park up, go for a walk and not see another person for an hour or more.  That's properly social distancing!  Surely that's safer for me to do that?  Their argument, "What if you have an accident?"

Well, that could happen walking down the street.  There's more accidents happening in the home right now because people are doing DIY and such like.  

I'm not suggesting or advocating people flocking to beauty spots, far from it, but depending where you live sometimes it's possible to get away from all the mouth breathers walking round the streets and being totally isolated.

 

Mild Peril

Hipster in beard oil peril

 

Ragwatch #1

Gemma Collins misses chance to stuff fat face

 

Paedo Watch

Paedos exploit rainbow pictures

 

Ragwatch #2

Naga Munchetty walks off

 

Thunberg

Did Greta Thunberg create the Coronavirus?

 

And finally...

A few words about Amazon's latest show, Hunters.

 

 

 

 

Corona Virus then!

It's not going away is it, and it won't when everyone ignores the warnings to stay at home as much as possible and social distance where possible when out.

The panic buying was still going on at the weekend although I do wonder now if things are starting to calm down on that front.  Surely you've all got enough bog roll by now?

 

I simply can't understand how on earth the Government let the Cheltenham Festival go ahead, this was even after all football matches had been postponed.  Someone somewhere has had a right backhander for that, and frankly they deserve another one of a different kind along with an upper cut, a right hook and a swift kick in the bollocks.

There are many cases of Corona that have come directly from Cheltenham, why on earth hundreds of thousands of people over several days were allowed to be exposed to this is unreal.

 

Has the lockdown gone far enough?

It had to happen, but essentially Boris has only really reiterated what he said last week, only this time he's said there might be fines.  Where are the police to do this?

I will still walk my dog, I WON'T talk to anyone else and recently I've crossed the road to avoid people anyway, it's not the being out that's the problem it's the fact you're within 2 metres of people and potentially touching contaminated things.  But we should have been sensible to begin with.

The weather was nice over the weekend so we saw people go to areas of natural beauty.  Fine, if you're the only one there.  Not fine when you get there and thousands of people have had the same idea.

I drove past a racecourse on Sunday and saw dozens of cars parked up so people could walk around the course.  Dozens!  How is that social distancing?  It just isn't!

McDonalds decide to close so people queue for hours to get their last fix of a Big Mac or Bacon McMuffin.  What the hell are you doing you absolute weapons?

 

News in brief #1

Man panics at tea bag

 

Lockdown Part 2

We all need to understand what this means for us, we need to stay at home as much as possible.  Limit the shopping to as infrequent as possible, give people a wide berth, let's stop this from spreading.

If you have access to BBC iPlayer then watch a documentary they did in 2018 called "Contagion", it will open your eyes to what's going on now, it is scarily accurate.

But also have some sense with others.  A friend of the Toast was out with her 2 children yesterday, just for a walk down the street and was shouted at by a bloke with shopping bags.

So, it's not OK for her to get some fresh air with her children, they weren't interacting with other people or touching park equipment like swings and slides, yet it's OK for this old guy to have gone shopping.  Presumably he kept away from everyone in the store?  Unreal.

We need common sense, patience and understanding.

We can beat this thing if we work together and not get on at each other.

 

Finally on Corona for this time...

As I said last time, now is not the time for political point scoring and moaning but I still saw people's reactions to Boris' speech last night; people couldn't wait to start claiming things like "Police state!" and "Fascism!"

Give over, this is for all our benefit.

 

And finally... News in brief #2

Software developer continues self-isolation

 

 

So then, Corona Virus!

It's spreading fast across the world and there's lots of seemingly fake news being spread about it too.

Some of it is just ludicrous, it's made up by either idiots or people who think they know what they are talking about!

I've seen claims that having hot drinks or taking hot baths will kill the virus! What?

Of course, a lot of this stuff is shared across Facebook as always, but again people are blindly just sharing stuff without checking first.

Please, stop doing this, it is not helpful and just makes things worse.

 

Politicising Corona

This really annoys me.  As if there isn't enough going on without the Left turning this in to a "This is all Brexit's fault" thing.

Because the UK leaving the EU IN December THIS year is the reasion why a load of people in China were eating bats and contaminating the rest of the world.

OK... (*Makes cuckoo sound like in the cartoons*)

What's worse about it being politicised though are those who are absolutely desperate for people to die just so they can have a dig at Boris.

When it was announced that Health Minister Nadine Dorries had it people were happy, they were actually saying, "Good, another Tory gone".

Like, WTF people?! These are people dying of a new condition that has no vaccine and because a Tory is affected it's classed as good news.

Leave the politics for another day, eh?  Point scoring shouldn't be taking place here, there's more important things to worry about.

(For the record, Nadine is recovering, she isn't dead!  But that hasn't stopped the nasty comments)

 

MOT Headlines #1

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Corona Virus.

 

Is Boris doing enough?

Prime Minister Boris Johnson can't really win can he?  He's damned if he does, damned if the doesn't.

Is he doing enough to contain and limit the spread of Corona?

I mean, Karen on Facebook says he should have locked down the entire country and she's an expert because she sits in front of a computer for a living.

Should we be copying Italy where the country is in lock down?  I don't know.  Boris is surrounded by scientists, not Karen from Facebook or some twat on Twitter.

The Chief Medical Officer is thought to be a very likeable, intelligent and knowledgeable man.  

Isn't Boris right to be taking the advice from his own CMO?  Why would someone in such a position seek advice from someone with no background in medicine?

Time will tell if he's followed the right advice, as things spread they might need to change tack.  That's not a "U-Turn" for those point scoring pricks, it's reactionary and shows he's not just sticking with 1 plan.

So, sorry, Dave from Twitter, you're a window cleaner in Bedford, you're not an expert on viruses, we'll not be listening to you today.

 

Speaking of experts...

There are so many people who think they know what's going on, the fact is, most of us have no clue as to how bad it is.  Yes, you always get those who say, "Oh it's not that bad, it's just like a bad cold" but these are the same dolts who say they have flu when they have a bog standard cold.

I've had proper full blown flu several times in my life and I can tell you, it knocks the shit out of you.  I last had it in 2013 despite having my annual flu injection months previous.  The normal flu virus really does leave you absolutely fucked for days.  In fact, if death was an option I'd have taken it, that's how awful it was.  They say the true test of it is to leave a £20 on the floor in front of the patient and if they won't move to pick it up you know it's flu.  It's funny when you say it, but seriously, I really would have taken death at that time.

There's so many experts on Facebook too, spreading "helpful hints" on how not to get it or to test if you do have it.

They've not been around anyone who has is it, so these "helpful hints" are just made up bullshit.  Like the "Hold your breath for 10 seconds and if you can do it without coughing then you don't have it"

Stupid, stupid people!

Why would you believe a hairdresser on Facebook over the World Health Organisaton for gods sake? 

And let's ignore those people who post status updates that they have the virus and what the symptoms are.

Piss off, if you've got it, you ain't gonna be on Facebook regaling us all with your tales of illness, you're going to be in bed feeling like absolute death. Cretin.

And those people who share these stories, you don't even know them!  If it was one of your mates that's had it that's different, but you're sharing a story from someone you don't know that hasn't been checked out.  Why you do that?  It's just nonsense.

 

Let's go shopping

Panic buying.  FFS, what are you doing you dicks?  You've bought 27 toilet rolls, why?  Planning on getting the shits?

Corona virus doesn't give you the runs.

If you're self isolating you don't need more than a week's worth of bog roll.

If you have the virus you won't be shitting at all, because you won't be eating.

What the hell are you doing buying up everything?  There's no need.  A weekly shop is enough to get by.

I'm actually really fucking embarrassed about the state of the country behaving in this way.  You're all a bunch of selfish, ignorant sheep.

You're stopping the elderly and vulnerable from getting what they need, just because you think you need a years worth of pasta, rice and loo roll.

Congratulations on being an arsehole.

Funny though, you've bought up all the pasta but the shelves are still full of pasta sauce.  You eating that pasta on it's own huh?

I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON IT, YOU TWATS.

 

MOT Headlines #2

Diane Abbott thought COVID-19 was a Welsh lad's Tinder profile name.

 

Are you worried about Corona?

I know I am.  As someone with a history of chest infections (don't smoke, kids) and a lower immune system due to Diabetes I'm worried, of course I am.

Having told you in a previous paragraph that I've had flu several times, it worries me that I could be struck down with it.

I travel on public transport for 80 minutes a day where people cough without putting their hands to their mouths and I touch handrails (I was going to say I touch poles but that sounded a bit gay) and doors that dirty people have touched.

It's always hot, it has to be a breeding ground for a bacteria and the like, surely?

I'm very hygienic, always wash my hands after the toilet etc but I'm doing it even more now.

We can all help to stop the spread of it if we continue this.

Maybe we could sing a song at the virus too?  That might help.

We could get that Brit girl weirdo to stop singing about the EU for a bit and do some songs about Corona.

And that "Stop Brexiiiittttt" shouting nonce who stands outside parliament all day every day.  Maybe he could shout "Go away Coronnnnnaaaaa" into his loudhaler?

Maybe get Chuck Norris and Zlatan Ibrahimovic to fight it, them two will put Corona in self-isolsation.

I'm not trying to stir anything up here, it is a genuine threat and I hope we tackle it before it's too late.  Stay safe people, genuinely.

 

And finally...

Was Vicky the Viking the first trans nightmare?

 

Try not to die, bitches!

 

 

 

 

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