Smear Campaign

Man wants a smear test


More Sofie Hagen dickheadism

I see the BBC are championing Sofie Hagen's attack on Cancer Research for claiming obesity is the 2nd biggest preventable cause of cancer.

I mean, it's not like she writes for the BBC or anything is it?

Oh, wait.

I really do despair at the BBC these days.  I used to champion it myself, when people said they didn't want to pay their licence fee etc. but I'm starting to really dislike the organisation now.


Washing machine apartheid

Separating clothes for washing is apartheid, claims massive throbber



World Book Day, again.

And what a joy it was to see the schools closed because of the snow, ah well... 

Although Facebook has a few kids dressed up.  I particularly liked the 7 year old dressed as Hermione from Harry Potter, she's probably not even seen the movies let alone read the fucking books.

And her brother who was billed as "Harry Potter" but was actually dressed as Willy Wonka.  Think you got that wrong there lad, don't even know who your own kid is dressed as.


Sol Campbell is a fruit loop

Don't understand this guy, I really don't.

A couple of years ago he moaned at football being inherently racist because he hadn't been offered a football manager job.

Now he's back in the media moaning again because he's been passed over for some more managers jobs, that he hasn't even applied for.

Sol claims he's got, "One of the best footballing minds in the world", which I would question given he's never been invited to apply for jobs or been approached by clubs.

He's never even coached!  So, instead of having a massive chip on your shoulder claiming people are racist, how about you do some coaching, let the world see this great football mind and take it from there?



Trains won't need timetables

According to Sir Peter Hendy, the Chairman of Network Rail in 10 years time there won't be a need for train timetables because there will be that many trains on the networks that we'll just need to wait 10 minutes for the one, like we do for busses or trams/tubes.


Really?  How's that going to work then?  The lines don't have the capacity and there aren't even enough trains now, you really think they're going to put 3 to 4 times as many trains on the network?  Bollocks.

I'd also question how it works outside of London, or where you need to get a connection to somewhere?  It won't work.

The rail network has been fucked for a long time, long before the Tories sold it off.  Want to know why it was sold off?  Because it was a fucking dog.

Now, I actually agree with Comrade Corbyn on re-nationalising the rail BUT I just can't see how that would work at all.  There isn't the money to buy it all back and run it.

Us Brits are shit at running organisations, imagine the rail system (network, rolling stock, et al) being controlled by one organisation, hells teeth it would be awful.

Nobody seems to understand what a mammoth task it would be to run such a behemoth, Doctor Beeching would be spinning in his grave.


And finally...

Sofie Hagen is a dick

So, I ran a poll on Twitter:

The results are so 2018!

Any fool no it's Impulse FFS.


People change

Here's an article about looking back in social media to get people into trouble


Irony factor 5, Mr Checkov.


And finally...

This guy made me laugh on Twitter.  For a few reasons, which didn't include his inability to use an apostrophe or commas.  Or his inability to use different case.

Or his inability to spell "continue".

It was mainly the fact his Twitter name is "Despise the Tories", which bears no relation to any of his Tweets, and him seemingly fighting "Totally unfair regulations on ecigs".

Now, I'm not sure what "Totally unfair" regulations are out there, I'm pretty sure that people are free to Vape themselves to death.  There's pretty much no regulation on them.

But what really made me laugh is his belief that if he thinks a law is unjust then he is obliged to disobey it.

OK then, think we've found another snowflake who thinks they can do whatever they want!


Back soon, hopefully over the weekend!



I'm sure E-bay are doing it on purpose now!  Not content with boiling my piss with a shit advert and then following it up with another shit advert, well guess what... they've done another shit advert.

This time it's a man or woman singing "I need a dollar, dollar, a dollar is what I need".

No, a what you need is a fucking slap.  Now fuck off.


Brexit Mong

Meanwhile, on Twitter a mong who we shall call Wayne (for that is his name) entered a debate with someone on Brexit:

The man has a screw loose!  He genuinely thinks Britain is not going to leave the EU.  It is, absolutely, whether you agree or not it is happening.

"We will bring"..  Who is we?  The man thinks that someone is going to bring a load of immigrants in just to piss those people off who voted for Brexit.  And what of those who voted for Brexit that aren't scared of hijab wearing Muslims?  Then what?  Is he thinking of people trafficking?  Oh goodie, then let's get him prosecuted.

"We will quadruple", again who's we?  He thinks there's a secret army or organisation that is going to target people who voted for Brexit and increase their council tax.  Hmm OK, and tell me, Wayne, how are you planning on identifying these people?

Absolute prat.

This is the "kinder, gentler politics" that we're told the Left under Corbyn would give us.  If people like Wayne are involved then no thanks, because this sounds more like the overtones of fascism that blind supporters of Corbyn try to direct towards Tories, regardless of their stance.

Wayne goes on to say, the Left are always right and the Right are always wrong.

What a stupid thing to say.  How can anyone agree with this?  In the same way you can't honestly say the Right are always right and the Left are always wrong.

So, if the Left decide everyone called Wayne should be shot and the Right say everyone called Wayne should receive £50 for free, he's going to accept death?

What an utterly deluded man.  And look at #4, he's there again saying we're not leaving the EU like it's his call.  He's just some tit, he's a nobody, what the fuck does he know?

The Left become more childish by the day.  Soon they will be sticking their fingers in their ears, saying "La la la, I can't hear you and if I can't hear you then there is no such thing as Brexit".

Fucks sake.


Dear Feminazi's, it might have escaped your notice but we DO pay for razors.  And we pay for a fucking fortune for them.

On what planet have you been living where you think we get them for nothing?



Over in Satire Corner...

Get your cat's permission to stroke it


And finally...

A rant about the TV show, Hunted.



Copyright © 2000-2019 Monkey on Toast. All rights Reserved.