We're almost at THAT date.

The end of October, where everything is just hideous and so damned scary!  We have to simply stop it!

Nobody knows what really is going to happen, we'll have to just wait and see.

No, I'm not talking about Brexit, you nonce, I'm talking about Halloween!

You see, I hate it.  It's pointless and every year I have a moan about it.

Why?  Well, it pisses me off!  I've already seen places decorated for it, it's the first week in October, Halloween is the last day of the month!


Mate, we're Thomas Cooked

Fomer employees of Thomas Cook took to demonstrating at parliament the other day to complain that the Goverment didn't rescue the firm.

Sorry, what?  Why on earth would it be the responsibility of the Government to rescue every firm that goes bust?  Thomas Cook has been struggling for a long time, this isn't a new thing.  But why should taxpayers money be used to bail them out?  Simply put, it shouldn't.

If every firm that was badly run had the safety net that they'd be bailed out if they went tits up the high streets would be full of nationalised pop-up waffle shops and dodgy mobile phone shops.  I have every respect for people starting businesses, I know how hard it is to run small businesses.  How some of these cafes keep afloat when there's a Starbucks, Caffe Nero and Costa every 5 metres is anyones guess, but starting a business is a risk.

I don't think the Government needs a travel firm on it's books to be honest.  Some of those Thomas Cook staff members were angry because the banks were bailed out back in the late 2000's, but that's not really comparing apples with apples is it?  Having banks collapse is a damn sight worse than a travel firm disappearing!

Mind you, what's worse are those claiming their holidays were ruined!  Yes, it's a bit shit but you'll get a refund, those 9000 staff members being laid off have it worse.

But never you mind that, you just think of yourselves yeah?


Stop bullying 16 year old girls

Greta Thunberg is the new God


Rag Watch

We've not had one for ages so here's a new one!


And finally...

We've a new writer joined the team, please meet our Environmental Activist, Gret Bigg-Turdberg.

She'll be telling us how great she is and why we're so bad.

Here's her first article, enjoy!



I saw an article on the BBC site the other day that said homophobic attacks are up yet the number of people being charged is declining.  Now, on first glance it makes it sound like the Police are willy-nilly allowing people to attack gay people.

However, having read about 2 events quite recently that actually makes me think, "Are these people actually making this up?"

Now, bear with, let me take you through these 2 cases:

Case 1 - Two Lesbian ladies were "attacked" by a "gang of youths" because they wouldn't publicly kiss each other in public.

You may have read about it at the time?  There was something not quite right about it though.  Why?  Because I think the UK is incredibly tolerant of gay people.  We're not Russian or radical muslims like ISIS.

Gay people ARE more than tolerated, they're inclusive of society.  I know several gay people and not one of them feel like they have to keep schtum about it, they're totally out the closet, nobody actually cares they're gay.

So I found it odd that a gang of boys / teens would actually beat up 2 women.  The fact it's 2 women makes it even more unbelievable.

But there's more.  Nobody was arrested for it, the women couldn't say how many people were supposed to be in this gang nor could they describe ANY of them.

Now, it's clear that they'd both suffered injuries - I think it's more likely that they had an argument and a fight then decided to blame someone else for it, claiming homophobia.


Case 2 - Owen Fucking Jones

Claims he was attacked after coming out of a pub, he went on to claim that it was a planned homophobic attack.  Again, he couldn't describe the supposed assailant and nobody has had their collar felt let alone arrested and charged.


Stop making shit up!  You're making it worse for those who do genuinely need help.



The murky world of Trans.


And finally...

Back to the 70's - Great times, bro.


Sorry for the lack of updates, I got lost.

Anyway, what's gone on recently? Well, quite a bit actually.

The man who made an effigy of Grenfell Tower was acquitted of sending a malicious communication, and rightly so.

After all, he didn't send it, it was in a private WhatsApp group and it was someone else who made it public.  

Even so, it isn't a crime.  It might be in bad taste but what the hell, bad taste isn't a crime!  We need to stop all this snowflaky crybabying where people want people sent to prison for something they take exception to.

I recently had a conversation on Twitter with someone who is deaf.  He was on a train and someone was taking the piss out of him doing sign language.  Now, bit dickheady granted, not even funny to be honest.

But, there were people who replied to his Tweet who actually wanted the guy mocking him to be sent to prison!  It's not a crime.  Shame him, educate him but it's not a crime to take the piss!


Millennial Corner

Scare a Snowflake today!


Are you working harder than you used to?

Work harder! Longer! Faster!


Poor Bojo

PM faces unbridled scrutiny.


And finally...

Millennial sues shoe shop worker

See you again soon!  (Honest!)




Ding Dong the Witch is dead!

Well, not quite.  Theresa May has finally succumbed to the calls to quit.

To be honest she should never have been PM in the first place, she's been absolutely useless and generally disliked by all.

What has she achieved?  Nothing.  Other than winding people up.

Her face, her voice - they went together as a force of evil.  Saying that, I've said before I don't necessarily think she was deliberately evil, she just lacked any sense of compassion, empathy or any other feeling.

She was a terrible Home Secretary, what on earth convinced people to think she'd be a good PM?

Ultimately, Brexit was her undoing.  She kept on repeating the "Brexit means Brexit" and "Leave means Leave" lines, somehow trying to convince herself that she really meant it.

She had the gall in her resignation speech to tell the nation that she did everything in her power to "deliver Brexit".

theresa may empty desk

When in reality this is what 3 years of "Brexiteering" has produced.

She should have come clean sooner.  Yes, the Referendum result was to leave, but if it was deemed that leaving truly was the end of the world and that we'd be plagued by White Walkers forever more then she should have said.

She's pretended to sort out leaving for 3 years, although really we know she only started trying to "do a deal, guv" at the back end of 2018.

She's tried to get the same deal through Parliament several times, each time being told, "Oi! May! Nooooo!  It's the same deal as last time you clown"

To which she replied, in Monty Python fashion, "No it isn't!"

Where that leaves Brexit now is anyones guess but we have to be glad that May is off, she has to be remembered as the most useless and hated PM's of our time.


Mi mi mi mi mi mi mi more Milkshake

Milkshakes are the new Nazi slur


And finally...

The ASA and the Church


Copyright © 2000-2021 Monkey on Toast. All rights Reserved.