Welcome back to another update!  Time flies doesn't it!

Let's start this time with a Facebook Fuckwitt!

Picture the scene, someone responds to an article about Gemma Collins with long hair.

One lady replies saying how her new hair makes "The GC" (eugh) "more safisticated".

Cue one lady who points out the spelling...

safisticated 1

and then loads of people jumping in saying how nasty this lady is to point out a spelling error...

This was my favourite though:

safisticated 2

Predictive text!  Her phone does it all the time!  Yes, of course predictive text suggests non existent words!!  Given that predictive text works off a dictionary then the word must be in there to begin with.



MOT Headlines #1

Jeremy Corbyn wants to meet with the Corona Virus to explore a deal.


Let's hear it for

The Caring Left


MOT Headlines #2

Health Chiefs want to meet Rick Grime to discuss how to survive Corona Virus



Not sure what the BBC are trying to do in this article.

It's almost like they're trying to get all hip and "down with the yoof".

Look at the writing style, it's like it's been written by someone from The Sun.

Use of the word "japester" and "wag" just don't sit right in a BBC article.

Please make it stop.


Word of Woke

I see they've remade "You and Me" for 2020.


Brexit Boohoo #3

This is brilliant. One woman absolutely incensed because someone wanted a coin:

brexit boohoo 3 1

You're angry at a man you did not see who asked for the Brexit coin/s from the Post Office.  For a start your husband could have made it up, or been mistaken.

One thing is for sure, your hsband is a right nosey old fucker.  You're angry over a coin.

Now, let's assume this old fella exists and asked for the coins, and received them (which seems to have irked you even more, as though the Post Office should have refused them), who is to say that he wasn't just a coin collector?   Maybe he was like some of the other people we've featured who do things to the coins like drawing the Nazi symbol on it?  You don't, you've just assumed he's got them to gloat.  Grow up.


Then we have a reply from an FBPE'r:


brexit boohoo 3 2Why didn't you interfere with my life?


"Yeah, he can have mine!  I don't have any...."  How can you give away something you don't have or ever had?  It's just such a childish response!  Both of these ladies were certainly mature enough to know better, but no, let's get down with the insults.  Gammon, that is so 2019.  Again, an assumption is made by the lady replying as to why the bloke wanted the coins.

Bizarre people.

It makes me want to create a new Twitter account to interact with people like this, whereby I suggest the person they're talking about is me and that I am a coin collector.... See if there's an apology.  It could be a new hobby.


And finally...

Why didn't you interfere with my life?


Until next time!


Sonos customers were "outraged" recently when the company announced some of the older devices won't be able to upgrade to latest versions.

Why would people be outraged, I don't get it?  All devices stop getting updates at some point!

My 4 year old LG phone hasn't been upgraded for ages, it's part of the software lifecycle.  People's tablets and other devices don't get supported forever.

My Sony Blu-ray player hasn't been updated for about 7 years!

There's always something for people to get pissed off at, it's just ridiculous.

Now, I'm off to badger Sony to see if there's a firmware update for my Betamax VCR.


Brexit Boohoo #1

So, Brexit has happened then.  Although nothing's really changed has it?

The bedwetters are still out in force though.

brexit boohoo 1

Yes, let's equate Brexit to Nazism, well done you.

I mean, it was only last week I saw Jews have their front doors painted "Juden" whilst a load of Jews were herded off to a "train station".

What an absolute plonker this guy is.  It's a shame the act of defacing a coin was changed in the Coin Act 1978, prior to that he'd had had a good solid beating.

Let's hope he still does.


World of Woke

We've some new TV episodes in World of Woke!


Get offended at sports chat in the office?

Don't be a melt.


Brexit Boohoo #2

brexit boohoo 2

Ah the old classic, people who voted for Brexit are thick, old, uneducated racists.

Despite many of those who voted for Brexit coming from the upper classes and from top education.

One day we might re-enter the EU, who knows?  If Labour somehow manage to get in they might go for it, I really don't know.  We have to make do for now as we can't change it.  However, this notion that people of Laura's generation are better is just horseshit.  Better at what?  They don't want to work because long hours upsets them, they think they're entitled to mega pay for menial jobs, although menial jobs "is slavery, innit"

Laura says [they] "will never stop fighting", but they'll be too weak from all the vegan food.  They haven't fought to begin with, all they've done is insult people.


And finally...

Rag Watch is back, with another Karen Matthews story.

Until next time, don't have nightmares.


Lights out for Brexit

There's been a suggestion that people should show their disapproval for Brexit by turning off their lights and as many electrical appliances as possible on the 31st at 11PM for 10 minutes.

The reason?  Well, it'll show a huge LOSS of electrical usage you see.  That'll stick it to the man.

Yes, you read that right.  Let's turn everything off for 10 minutes, plunging the country into darkness and saving electricity - that 10 minute loss will really make a mess of the grid.

Can you imagine a street of houses with no lights on at 11PM? Shock horror!  I mean, it's not like people are in bed at that time of night, with the lights off, is it?

*Rolls eyes*

This has got to be the stupidest protest idea yet!  If you want it to show up on the National Grid then turn everything on, you clown!  All lights, iron, kettle, your electric blanket.

Maybe even pop the toaster in whilst you're having a bath.



Mind your own business

Back in October the BBC had an article about a woman who sold her house, made a profit, then squandered said profits.  She's annoyed because the bank didn't stop her spending her money.

"I went to the bank to withdraw the money and they gave it to me without any questions", she says.

Well, yes, because it's your money.  She claims the bank should have questioned her when she was withdrawing the cash to make sure she was spending it wisely.

I'm sorry, but what?  Imagine everytime you went to a cash machine and if the value was over a certain amount you'd be asked a question to confirm.

"You are withdrawing £100.  You're not going to spend it on shoes you don't need are you? <Y/N>"

It's just ridiculous and just another example of people who won't take responsibility for their own decisions.  Why should the bank contact her to make sure she knows that she's wasting her money?  She claims she'd welcome the "extra support" from the bank, but I would hazard a guess that if her bank did contact her she'd be moaning about how it's her money and she can do what she likes with it and to get off my case, you're not my mum.

I'm amazed just how stupid the world is getting, it's a never ending stream of stupidity.

Some people just seem to be unable to go about their daily lives without blaming everyone but themselves for THEIR decisions or actions.  We all make mistakes, most of the time we know we've done something stupid and we hold our hand up to it.  I know I do.  I don't blame everyone else because of something I've done.


Transworld Sports

Not very good at sport?  Change gender!


boiler breaks

Can't be that cold, the lad's in fucking shorts.

And how old's the Mother?  That has to be Granny, surely?


World of Woke

Sick of TV being all woke?  Me too.

And it's spawned a new feature!

The first article of which is here!



Hey all!  Happy New Year and all that.

Hope you all had a good Christmas and you're ready for another year of mickey taking, rants and exposing social media idiots & snowflakes.

It didn't take long after the election for the Leftie conspiracy theorists to come out:


election fraud 1

Sy Hawkes, whoever he is says that Labour actually won the election but senior Tories made sure they won by rigging postal votes.


Bit weird that nobody reported it, and he's got sod all proof to back it up.  He even says "I suspect I'm not far away from the truth" which basically means, "I wet the bed because I didn't get my own way".

What a plonker.  Postal vote rigging!  I mean, it's hardly possible to do what he thinks they did but if you look at postal vote rigging in the past you'll actually see that Labour MP's have actually been convicted of it before.

Look up Cambridge.

Meanwhile, check out this doozy:

election fraud 2

Why didn't they win?  They had the numbers.

It's good vs evil!  Jesus christ alive!  If you look through Helen's timeline she's absolutely bonkers and properly obsessed with Brexit and getting Boris sacked.  I bet she's fun to be with.

In fact, I bet she's single and has 15 cats.

Truth, science and logic she says.  Maybe so, it could possibly the case, but you know WHY the Tories won?  Because Jeremy Corbyn promised far too much and people clearly didn't believe him.

I said in the last update I was surprised as hell at the result, I couldn't believe it the next day, but the fact is that Corbyn did not have the backing of the country because of how he came across.  

Never mind though, because Helen's trusty followers have the answers:

election fraud 3

That's right, in future let's not allow "thick" or "bad" people to vote.

Quite how 'Red' will define who is "bad" or "thick" I don't know, as both are generally subjective.  I mean, "bad" could be objective in that you're saying that murderers, paedos and rapists are bad and therefore can't vote.  But what if they're not locked up or convicted?  And thick people?  Will we all have to take some kind of test to see if we're allowed to vote?

One suspects the only people who will be allowed the vote are those who share the same echo chamber with Mr Miller there.

Nazi bastard.


Rag Watch

Welcome, Karen Matthews.


Check this nugget out

queen eu dress

Yeah!  You tell em, Steve Dave!  I mean, Queenie!

That's right.  Someone honestly thought the dress and brooch HRH was wearing for her Christmas Day speech was in support of the EU and terribly Anti-Brexit.

This is the Queen who supports Brexit!  What an absolute melt.

Whether you agree with Brexit or not, there's always someone who will clutch at straws in the hope they're right.

You're wrong, hope this helps.


Christmas TV 

was crap. 


It's War!

Donald Trump signs off the assassination of an Iranian terrorist and people immediately jump to the conclusion that World War 3 was pending.  What I find bizarre are the people jumping to the defence of Qassem Soleimani simply because Trump had him offed.  Orange Man done bad, they say.

Let's not forget that this man was a terrorist, in an enemy country.  He was responsible for the attacks on US Embassies and other buildings - Trump simply retaliated.

People backing Qassem Soleimani simply because it was Trump who done him in are crazy, lefty weirdos.  If Obama had done that he'd have been given the keys to the city and hailed as a hero.


Oh, really? Not happened has it?  Immediately following the incident tensions escalated, that's the norm.  

We saw some angry Iranian men doing angry Iranian man things.  Chanting angry Iranian man chants.

If only we all spoke Persian maybe we'd know what they were chanting rather than simply believing what we're told by the media.

In the same way that immediately after 9/11 we saw videos of people celebrating in the Middle East, despite the fact those videos were done before the Twin Towers were even hit.

You might think I'm supporting Trump here.  Nope, what I am doing is putting fact and sense to a situation.  People will moan about Trump in the same way they moan about Boris.  If Trump gave every American $100 they'd be screaming, "Impeach him!  I wanted $200!"

 I find this lefty supporting of anyone-but-Trump or anyone-but-Boris utterly bizarre.  Let's talk some sense here.  Some of these people would support Hitler if it meant they could call Trump a bad name.

But it's not just the US, us Brits are just as bad.

When there was a so-called crisis, Boris was away on holiday.  Amazingly there were people on Twitter saying he was on HIS OWN PRIVATE ISLAND!

No, he was on a villa ON A PRIVATE ISLAND.

That's not the same thing.

Look at this melt:

boris holiday 1

Yeah, because the British Prime Minister is absolutely cut off from the rest of the world, unable to speak to any of his Government including his deputy.

Bed Wetting Level: Drenched

But wait...

boris holiday 2

Ah, of course Josh.  Boris was just waiting for a hashtag to go up on Twitter so he could "come out of hiding".

Yeah, that's exactly how politics works.

I mean, Josh has gone all out here.  Properly Anti-Boris (which is his right), without anything other than being pissed off for the sake of it and without anything to back up why he's so upset.

What's puzzling is his support for Iran in all this.  One look at Josh and you know he's gay, backed up by the rainbow flag.  Nothing wrong with being gay of course, except IRAN HANGS GAY MEN FROM CRANES.

Which is a bit like the Jews saying, "That Adolf Hitler, he was alright really.  Bit misunderstood.  Curse that damn Winston Churchill, grrrr!"

I simply don't understand why any gay person would support Iran when they know that they'd kill them as quick as look at them.  Again, it's probably the anti-Trump thing.

A day passes and Josh gets pelters, rightly so if your bed wetting is this bad so he counters with:

boris holiday 3

Ah the told, "It was a joke, honest" chestnut.


And finally...

Well, that's all for this time folks, we'll be back soon and with a new feature too!

Until then, don't have nightmares.




Well, tomorrow is our birthday since we returned, can't believe it's been 4 years already.

The good news is I've renewed the domain for another 12 months!


The General Election

Well, I must say, I'm genuinely surprised with that result.  I honestly expected a hung parliament or even a Labour win.

To wake up to a Tory majority and by some stretch was a real surprise.  Of course, within hours of the result there were people out there protesting giving it their "He's not my Prime Minister".

No, he really is, he won fair and square.  Whether you like it or not, we have to accept the result.

Have you noticed though, there are no working class people protesting?  They are all privileged or entitled kids, and it's only going to get worse.

This is the generation I've written about before.  The generation who get a medal for coming 9th in Sports Day because everyone has to get a reward.

If things don't go your way then simply make a fuss, cry to mummy and daddy and get it changed.

These people are so soft, they need a kick up the arse.

What's worse, these people claim to support "kinder, gentler politics" and then go out wearing coats like this:

kill tories now

Yes, "Kill Tories Now".  Kinder and gentler.

And then we have this young lady.

boris i wish him

She's never done a days work in her life, full of hate.  Watch the interview.  Her words are unreal!

"[Re Boris] I wish him the worst!  I wish him a horrible death.  I plan to work in the NHS, I plan to be a doctor and care for people"

Yes, it REALLY sounds like it.  I want to care for people, apart from those who I wish a horrible death on.

She's just an entitled, privileged snotty little shit with a posh accent.  She knows fuck all about the world, just getting money from mummy and daddy.

I hope she never gets into medical school because holy shit, this is frightening.  This is WAY more frightening than what the Government can do.

Kinder, gentler politics.


Anti-social Media

Social Media is full of hate


And finally...

If we're not back before Christmas I wish a very Merry Christmas to each and every one of you.

Have a great time!