A woman was arrested this week after blowing a toy trumpet at a policeman.

Good to see our plod's "lack of resources" put to good use again.

The lady was arrested at a protest about cutting down trees in Sheffield.

Arrested at a tree protest? I hope the copper was from Special Branch.

 

Plane crazy

There was "uproar" according to a shitty red top newspaper this week after a pilot and his co-pilot were filmed messing about with Snapchat.

Whilst flying the plane.

Shock horror!  Sack them now and send them to prison!

Maybe not, see a) There wasn't uproar or anything of the sort - only the paper itself, and b) The plane was fitted with this new fangled device called "Auto pilot".

Clearly the newspaper has never heard of it.  It also clearly was not aware that this auto pilot thingy is active when the plane is cruising.

So apart from sitting around what are the pilots going to do?

An auto pilot yesterday

But this whole thing struck me further, because it's with the advent of camera phones that people have become what I can only describe as "Right grassing bastards".

See, before camera phones none of this shit happened.  People weren't taking out their Polaroid or Kodak Disc cameras to get evidence of well, it's not even wrong doing, it's just being a twat.

"I'll show them bastards at the council for blocking my driveway!  I'll send a picture of the van to them just as soon as it comes back from Truprint", said no-one ever.

The whole thing about camera phones just seems to be people going out of their way to be nasty, finding reasons to grass on people or make people look bad.

There's an account on Twitter which retweets some usually spectacularly bad parking.  The account, aptly named "You park like a cunt" (YPLAC) is usually pretty humorous in that it showcases some shockingly bad parking, many of which appear to be in supermarket car parks.  But, there are times when someone gets a bee in their bonnet about a van parked somewhere and really takes the hump.

I've seen people moaning about vans parked on kerbs etc, with the associated company copied into the tweet.  Why would you do that?  Why would you try and get someone into trouble for parking somewhere where frankly they might even need to be?  It's not like you're providing evidence of someone driving a truck whilst holding a mobile phone, which in my opinion is worth grassing over.

It just seems to be the norm now that we're constantly looking for things to take a snap of and can't wait to try and get some poor fucker sacked.

 

Hate Crime

Who'd be a TV critic?

 

It were the Ruskis

Classic blame game these days.  But as the fallout (no pun intended) continues over the poisoning of a former spy and his daughter a few things don't seem right.

The attack happened not far from where the substance was actually invented.

We knew what the substance was immediately, despite tests requiring 2-3 days for accurate results.

We're blaming Russia who are saying it's not them.  Fair enough, I've got kids and according to them they've never done anything wrong either.  Maybe they're Russian?

Anyway, I digress, we're blaming Russia but using that old, "You did it, prove to us it wasn't you!" tactic.

Which is a bit like talking religion with someone and getting them to prove there is a God and they retort with, "Prove there isn't".

Errrr OK, well the fact nobody has ever seen him or her or it or Xis/Xer/ABC and all the shit that goes on in the world pretty much wins the debate by default.

But prove otherwise and I'll believe you all day long.

So, Russia have to prove to May-Bot that they weren't in the country going to restaurants and poisoning people.  That's quite easy really, look at the passports.

Or maybe intelligence, if we fucking had any.

But this leads me on to something else, bear with me here.

What if WE poisoned those people, so that we then have a reason to cancel Brexit?

Think about it, May was a Remainer.  She can't suddenly go from being Pro Remain to Pro Leave and be happy about it.  The fact that we're making fuck all progress in Brexit negotiations says she's not keen.  She's totally out of her depth as a PM.

But what if this was used now to try and show Russia in a bad light (Yes, I KNOW they're bastards, they're not exactly the best behaved country going) and therefore end up along the lines of, "Russia are a set of shits.  To be honest we're better off with our friends (guffaw) in the EU, therefore Brexit is postponed until such time they're not a threat.  Or after I have left office and it's some other poor Tobys problem."

I mean, fucking hell, say it in a May-Bot voice!  I'm one convincing bastard.

Now, would you like to buy some pegs?

 

And finally...

Don't be a speakphone paedophile.

 

Flo and Joan - The last word

A couple of weeks ago the Nationwide released a statement which said that they had approached the Met Police because they were concerned that the talentless fools had received "death threats" on Twitter.
 
Hapless news aggregator "Metro" ran an article on the statement, it even published some of the tweets.  The tweets weren't released by the Nationwide, basically someone at the Metro did what's called a "search" on Twitter for anything F+J related and lo and behold results came back.
 
Having reviewed the tweets I can honestly say that not a single one could or should be considered to be a death threat.
 
A death threat should, I imagine, be directed to the "victim" in question and should actually threaten death.  There's a clue in the title.
 
A few of the online papers took up the story, most of the examples used were the same tweet, however the Metro article may have possibly shown an article by, ahem, yours truly.
 
A tweet which has been deleted since, sadly.
 
However, was it a threat?  No.  Had it appeared from a celeb or a comedian like Ricky Gervais it wouldn't have had the same airtime.
 
In truth the whole thing smacks of a publicity stunt from the Nationwide, I monitored the situation afterwards (from my panic room) and in all honesty there were more people in support of those who dislike the pair than in support of them.
 
It seems to have gone quiet now, so the Met are clearly not following up with it.  If they had it would also prove beyond all reasonable doubt that they're not interested in tackling real crimes and that thought crime and calling people names online is where it's at.
 
 
Jamie Carragher
I hope somebody writes a book about how close he came to winning the Premier League and calls it "Within Spitting Distance"
 
Anyway..
 
Last week it emerged that former Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher spat from his car at a 14 year old girl.
 
He was suspended from his role at Sky Sports, at this stage until the end of the season.
 
Now, the headline was all very biased, how disgusting for a grown man to spit at a 14 year old girl eh?
 
Yeah, until you delve a little deeper into what actually happened.
 
The guy who reported it was driving down a dual carriageway or motorway, parallel to Carragher.  Whilst doing so he was also filming on his phone and goading the former player who had just been commentating on the Man United v Liverpool game.  A game in which United won.
 
Jamie lost his cool after a one goad too many, and spat out of his car.
 
The guy recording then played the victim saying to his camera, "That's nice, Jamie Carragher just spat at my 14 year old daughter".
 
He didn't spit at your daughter though did he?  He spat at your car.
 
Now, as a United fan I've no love for Carragher, although he is usually impartial when it comes to United (unlike some who love to get digs in all the time), and I'm certainly not defending him spitting.  But for the love of god, here is a man filming on his phone whilst driving down a road, clearly not keeping his eye on the road, with his 14 year old daughter in the car.
 
What should happen to the pair of them?
 
Carragher is suspended from Sky Sports until the end of the season.  No further action from the Police.
 
The driver of the car?  6 points on his licence and a fine for holding a mobile phone whilst driving.  Extra points and a fine for inciting whilst driving.
 
Thrown the fucking book at him, the twonk.
 
 
Ant and Dec? More like Shunt and Wrecked.
 
So, Ant (of Ant and Dec) got himself slightly refreshed and drove his car, resulting in an accident in which a 3 year old child was taken to hospital.
 
And what happened?
 
Everybody came out with the old, "Aww he's got demons, bless him.  Leave him alone to let him sort himself out".
 
Again.
 
Remind me what social media would have been like if it was just average Joe who did the same:
 
"Hang him", "Lock him up and throw away the key"
 
The excuse being that he's been depressed.  Now, I've known a few people who suffer with depression, hell I went through it myself once and at no point did they or I get in a car absolutely wankered and drive it home.
 
I get that Ant and Dec are popular, but that doesn't excuse behaviour like this.
 
It's not long since Ant was out of "rehab" for supposedly being addicted to painkillers.  Except, that's not quite true is it?
 
The truth is, he likes his chisel and he got caught out.  All this bollocks about being addicted to painkillers is just that, bollocks.
 
We shouldn't feel sorry for him, he had a choice to get tanked up and drive.  With all the money he has he could have had a driver or got one of those things we call a "Taxi".
 
He should be punished to the full extent of the law, just like a non celeb would be.
 
And finally...
 
Here's a rant about Freedom of speech.
 
 

Smear Campaign

Man wants a smear test

 

More Sofie Hagen dickheadism

I see the BBC are championing Sofie Hagen's attack on Cancer Research for claiming obesity is the 2nd biggest preventable cause of cancer.

I mean, it's not like she writes for the BBC or anything is it?

Oh, wait.

I really do despair at the BBC these days.  I used to champion it myself, when people said they didn't want to pay their licence fee etc. but I'm starting to really dislike the organisation now.

 

Washing machine apartheid

Separating clothes for washing is apartheid, claims massive throbber

 

 

World Book Day, again.

And what a joy it was to see the schools closed because of the snow, ah well... 

Although Facebook has a few kids dressed up.  I particularly liked the 7 year old dressed as Hermione from Harry Potter, she's probably not even seen the movies let alone read the fucking books.

And her brother who was billed as "Harry Potter" but was actually dressed as Willy Wonka.  Think you got that wrong there lad, don't even know who your own kid is dressed as.

 

Sol Campbell is a fruit loop

Don't understand this guy, I really don't.

A couple of years ago he moaned at football being inherently racist because he hadn't been offered a football manager job.

Now he's back in the media moaning again because he's been passed over for some more managers jobs, that he hasn't even applied for.

Sol claims he's got, "One of the best footballing minds in the world", which I would question given he's never been invited to apply for jobs or been approached by clubs.

He's never even coached!  So, instead of having a massive chip on your shoulder claiming people are racist, how about you do some coaching, let the world see this great football mind and take it from there?

Twat.

 

Trains won't need timetables

According to Sir Peter Hendy, the Chairman of Network Rail in 10 years time there won't be a need for train timetables because there will be that many trains on the networks that we'll just need to wait 10 minutes for the one, like we do for busses or trams/tubes.

Right.

Really?  How's that going to work then?  The lines don't have the capacity and there aren't even enough trains now, you really think they're going to put 3 to 4 times as many trains on the network?  Bollocks.

I'd also question how it works outside of London, or where you need to get a connection to somewhere?  It won't work.

The rail network has been fucked for a long time, long before the Tories sold it off.  Want to know why it was sold off?  Because it was a fucking dog.

Now, I actually agree with Comrade Corbyn on re-nationalising the rail BUT I just can't see how that would work at all.  There isn't the money to buy it all back and run it.

Us Brits are shit at running organisations, imagine the rail system (network, rolling stock, et al) being controlled by one organisation, hells teeth it would be awful.

Nobody seems to understand what a mammoth task it would be to run such a behemoth, Doctor Beeching would be spinning in his grave.

 

And finally...


Sofie Hagen is a dick

So, I ran a poll on Twitter:

The results are so 2018!

Any fool no it's Impulse FFS.

 

People change

Here's an article about looking back in social media to get people into trouble

 

Irony factor 5, Mr Checkov.

 

And finally...

This guy made me laugh on Twitter.  For a few reasons, which didn't include his inability to use an apostrophe or commas.  Or his inability to use different case.

Or his inability to spell "continue".

It was mainly the fact his Twitter name is "Despise the Tories", which bears no relation to any of his Tweets, and him seemingly fighting "Totally unfair regulations on ecigs".

Now, I'm not sure what "Totally unfair" regulations are out there, I'm pretty sure that people are free to Vape themselves to death.  There's pretty much no regulation on them.

But what really made me laugh is his belief that if he thinks a law is unjust then he is obliged to disobey it.

OK then, think we've found another snowflake who thinks they can do whatever they want!

 

Back soon, hopefully over the weekend!

 

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