On Saturday night, millions of people witnessed in horror Danish footballist Christian Eriksen cardiac arrest during a live game of soccerball between Denmark and Finland.

Former Arsenal and England player Alex Scott however managed to make it all about herself:

alex scott

It's such a woman thing to say.

"I can't believe what I'm witnessing.  There's a fella half dead on the pitch.  I better ring Mum to tell her I love her."

Why, does your mum play professional football?

It's just so pathetic and why women shouldn't be involved in football commentary.

I'm sorry but it's a man's sport.  The only thing worse than Women's Football is Scottish football.  FACT.

 

Scott Markett

You'll be pleased to see that Scott is back with a new stock market tip for June.

 

Beth Wetter

Meanwhile, Beth Wetter is boycotting the GB News advertisers.

 

Anti-Vaxxers are terrorists

anti vax terror  spread fear 

It seems the disfunctional Met Police counter-terror chief wants anti-vaxxers and
those who spread fear by misinformation to be classed as terrorists.

 Ah.. but it doesn't count when it's state sponsored....

 

 

And finally...

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

Back again!  Welcome to another rip-roarin' Monkey!

 

We've some new episodes of World of Woke.

This time: Pigeon Street is back, and also Dogtanian takes a nasty turn.

 

John Spiracy

John is back and this time he's got a theory about the Manic Street Preachers

 

Irony Alert #591

claudia rich people

There are too many rich people, says MP who earns a fortune.

What Claudia really means is, "There are too many white people, white people must be abolished".

Get in the bin with Diane, racist.

 

Tabatha Higgs-Boson

Tabatha is back with a new article about the great unvaccinated.

 

Vex Luther

bbc luther

Well no, we didn't see THAT coming did we?

The BBC diversity chief has gone super woke now.  A black man is not black enough to play the part of a black character.

And the reason for that?  Because he doesn't play up to a STEREOTYPE!  Holy shit.

I had to check it wasn't April 1st with this one.

The BBC has gone full retard on this, and as you know, you never go full retard.

According to the BBC black people have to have black friends AND eat Caribbean food!

Which is a bit weird, because I think people from Nigeria and Ghana might be black and also not eat Caribbean food.  Does that mean they're not black either?

This is fucking mental, yet weirdly delightful at the same time as I think this is slowly the end of the BBC as we know it.  Their woke attitude and bias is starting to rub people up the wrong way, it's a slippery slope for the Beeb now, and I hope they're crucified for it.

 

Beth Wetter

Beth isn't taking any chances in bed.

 

Any finally...

There's a great debate about those who are vaccinated and those who are not.  And it's fucking disgusting.

 

Until next time, just live your life!

 

 

When Roman Protasevich paid Ryan Air for Priority Disembarking this probably isn't what he had in mind.

Let's be straight here, Belarus premeditatedly hijacked the flight by diverting it to Minsk and taking off just Protasevich.

It's utterly bizarre that they seem to have gotten away with it, had it been Iran or Iraq the US and UK would have armed forces on their way to "resolve" it.

 

Dominic Cummings

Lefties last year when Dominic Cummings allegedly broke Lockdown Rules

cummings mob 1

 

Lefties this year when he drops some shit on Boris & Handjob

cummings mob 2

 

Is that double standards I can smell?

 

Diane Abacus

Nice of Diane to post this tweet this week:

diane abbott blm

Who shot Sasha?  Was it white supremacists?  The English arm of the KKK? BNP thugs?

Oh, turns out she was shot by a black fella in a black gang.

Turns out Black Lives really don't Matter when it's black on black, eh?  Although I've said this before, several times.

The Tweet didn't get deleted of course, Diane loves a bit of race baiting, racist old soak.

 

And finally...

To vax or not to vax, that is the question

 

Ahh sorry for no updates the last few weeks, been so busy... just when we were getting back to regular updates too!

 

The "Free Palestine" protests are 2021's Black Lives Matter equivalent, so says Tabatha Higgs-Boson.

 

Would I lie to you? #2

You thought you could trust the media right?  They won't distort the truth or tell out and out lies to keep you hooked to their channels or websites...

Sure.

The COVID outbreak in India has been responsible for some serious bullshit in the media.

Let's take a look at this:

msm lies 1

The picture on the left dated April 19 this year shows a woman seemingly struggling to breathe, sat with an oxygen tank.  Oh look, the picture on the right shows the same woman in the same clothes with the same oxygen tank but 3 years previous.... which was the result of a gas leak.

 

Then there's this from the New York Post

msm lies 2

The picture on the right forms an article from April 26th this year showing people literally dying in the streets from COVID-19.  Except it's not, because look at the picture on the left from May 2020 which again is following a gas leak!  It's the same peeople wearing the same clothes.

These people have absolutely no shame at all.  In particular, US news outlets have no code of conduct to follow so they can literally print what they want as true.  And you wonder why Trump used to go on about fake news.  That's because these people really do exist, it's disgusting.

Whilst we're on the subject of India, we seem to be forgetting that this is a country with a population exceeding 1.3 billion people, so whilst the figures reported on the number of cases might seem high they're not really.  And if you look at the number of cases on a graph mapped alongside the UK you'll see that India hasn't had an outbreak at all, the number of cases have stayed on an even plain unlike our spikes.

And the deaths?  3,000 people dying a day we're told.  The NORMAL rate of death in India is 25,000.

Crisis?  What crisis?

 

Speaking of variants

SAGE has come up with a new one...

 

Facebook Fuckwitts...

Given that there are a bunch of spackers on all social media not just Facebook, we've renamed it to Social Media Shitheads.

Thanks to Ankh we've some doozies this time too:

The Vaccine Idiots

Weather Tards

 

A new writer!

Yes, we've another new columnist here at The Toast, please welcome Beth Wetter.

Here's her first piece about going to the pub.

 

And finally...

How many times have you used the word "Selfish" in the last year?

 

Until next time!

 

 

 

 

Hey all.  Welcome to another rip-roaring edition of The Toast.

Friday was St George's Day, a day us English folk don't tend to celebrate.

st georges day

However, regular bedwetter Kevin Maguire no doubt had this tosh on speed-dial.

I mean, just fucking read it.  

Anyone who celebrates St Georges Day is a racist.  What is this guy on?  

But it didn't end there because Professor Alice Roberts (her of Coast fame) did a piece on Twitter about how St George was Turkish akshually, and yadda yadda yadda....

Even though Turkey didn't exist at that time.  Anyway... It's just bizarre that these well known-ish people are happy to jump on a day that maybe we should be encouraged to celebrate.  Nobody has a go at the Irish for celebrating St Patrick's Day, and he wasn't actually Irish either but nobody gives a shit.

So what is it about England that is so fucking bad that we're not allowed to celebrate one day without some jumped up piss wizard getting all antsy?  There's just no need.

Mind you, this isn't the first time this year Prof Roberts has made a cunt of herself, no, see at Easter she stuck up a tweet basically saying "Just a reminder that dead people don't come back to life 2 days later" in a jibe at people who genuinely celebrate Easter.

I wonder if she'll have any wisdom or jibes at Islam come Ramadan.

We might be waiting some time.

 

Would I lie to you?

The MSM would never lie right?  They tell the truth ALL the time?

Let's take a look at this, where a 15 year old was shot dead by police in America this week:

msm lie 1

This is a blue tick news reporter on Twitter who says the 15 year old was shot and killed by police, presumably for being black.

Apparently there was a knife on the floor but police shot anyway...

msm lie 2

And here's the evidence, the police officers own bodycam that shows the teenager about to stab the girl in pink.  You can see the video online.

And still the reporter didn't delete the tweet or offer a correction.

Absolute scum.

 

And finally

Vegans, eh?

Page 1 of 28

Copyright © 2000-2021 Monkey on Toast. All rights Reserved.