21st August 2016

For the second time this year I've had to start a Toast Update with some sad news.

An ex-colleague, friend and Monkey on Toast contributor, Paul has sadly passed away.

I recruited Paul back in 2003 when Monkey on Toast was at its peak.  He warmed to the site instantly and wrote several articles, one particuar sticks in my mind as being called "The parlous state of our roads".

Paul was a ranter of the highest order and was particularly pleased when the site returned.

RIP Big Man.

The new YMCA dance needed a bit of work

Dig it up, pay it out

I was pleased to hear that councils now have the power to fine construction companies for digging up roads and leaving them to cause unnecessary traffic jams.

This has been a long bug bear for me, companies are quick to dig roads up but it seems to take them ages to put things back to normal.

What really grips my shit are the roadworks that involve traffic lights when they were not needed in the first place.  Sure, I understand there's health and safety to consider when the workers are working, drinking tea or reading The Sun, but why can't they just spend a few extra minutes at night to make sure the lights aren't a necessity?  How much longer would it take to put things back to normal for the evening or worse, the weekend?  Thirty minutes to an hour?  

John was delighted at his AIDS test result



"ITV to switch off its seven channels for an hour for Olympics event", says the BBC.

Won't make much difference to me, ITV is pretty much off all the time for me as it's full of shite.

Seven channels ITV has!  Seven.

ITV - Some good stuff occasionally, but most of the time it's BGT or X-Factor.  No thank you.

ITV2 - Repeated shite I never ever want to watch.

ITV Back to the Future - Constant repeats of the BTTF trilogy.

ITV Men in Black - As above but for the Men in Black movies.

ITV Be - I don't know what's on it, but it sounds wank.

ITV Encore - Probably more repeats.

ITV HD - HD versions of shite.

What's happened to ITV over the years?  It used to be good, it used to be a good rival to the BBC but now it's driven purely by phone-ins to make money.


Democracy is dead

There's a new rant about Democracy. Check it out.  


Darren's impression of Robert Smith wasn't perfect yet


Sports Direct

Are a bit naughty.


Are people really this dumb?

So last week, Ellen DeGeneres tweeted this Tweet below:

Pretty funny to be honest but of course some absolute whoppers found a reason to be offended by it:

"You thought it'd be funny to post a pic of yourself riding on the back of a Black man? Nope. Delete this racist garbage."
"So riding on his back like a mule, a horse as some form of property is fun to you..."

What the fuck is wrong with people?  This is not racist in any way!  The point of the tweet was that she was riding on the world's fastest man, not because he's black and ergo he must be some kind of slave.

Why do people constantly see the negative in everything?  Always looking for some reason to call racism.

Are you trying to show the world you're a sensitive soul?  "Oh look, I think I'll get props for being offended by this!  Everyone will agree with me!"

No they fucking won't, you empty vessel.

Stop being offended at everything all the damn time.

Get over yourself, prick.

Until next time, homies!