16th December 2018

Happy birthday to us, happy birthday to us, happy birthday dear Monkey on Toast, happy birthday to us!

Yes, it's our birthday.  Can you tell?

When I say birthday, I actually mean from the day we returned back in 2015.

How times flies eh?  So we're officially 3 now, but depending on how you view matters we're actually 18.  So we can legally get pissed and vote for Corbyn [Shut your hole, Ed].

Ban this sick filth

Phrases such as "Bringing home the bacon" could be banned soon according to an academic so as to avoid offending vegans.

Dr Hamzah of Swansea University believes phrases that involve animals and meat will fizzle out.  Not quite sure how the Mirror has managed to use the word "banned" in the article when the only way it can be banned is with legislation.  So, it looks like Dr Hamza (who appears to be the result of a mating session between a monkey and Mary from Gogglebox) plus animal activists (and all round snowflakes) PETA want phrases to no longer contain any animal or meat references.

What phrases are at stake? (Or is that steak?)

"Bringing home the bacon", "killing 2 birds with 1 stone", "take the bull by the horns" and "fuck me, she's a right swamp donkey".

Instead we're being encouraged to use alternatives that don't even make sense.  For example. instead of saying "Hold your horses" we're to say "Hold the phone".

What?   Bring home the bagels?  That's no good, people with wheat intolerance will be fucked right over.

It's a bit of a shit article if I'm honest and Dr Hamzah is clearly as a mad as a box of fro... oh, er matches.



Brexit is a shambles.



There's just 4 shopping days left...

 Until I start lying.


And finally...

Fake Adverts are really annoying!

Until next time chums!