Doping is the new PPI.

So it seems Russia has been caught red handed and involved in doping of their athletes.

If that wasn’t bad enough, it seems it was state sponsored.  In other words, the Government paid for their athletes to cheat.

This means that not only are the track and field athletes banned from the current Rio Olympics but Russia as a whole were lucky not to be banned from the event.

It could also mean that Russia could be forced to give back any of the medals for the events in which they were found to be doping.

And that sets a precedent for other athletes and sportspeople to claim medals or prizes they would have been entitled to.

Imagine all the new adverts on TV and radio!

Did your pub darts team come 2nd in the local championship but were beaten by a bunch of cheating Alberts?  YOU could be able to claim compensation!

While I don’t condone drugs cheats in sports we can’t keep reviewing old events.

Why does it take years for drug tests to come back?  Why isn’t it instant?  Why did it take so long for forensic experts to find that the bottles had been tampered with?

If we really want to stamp out cheating in sport then we need to find a way forward that doesn’t involve taking blood and urine samples and sending them away for weeks on end to the same labs that belong to the cheating swines.


Pokemon Go

It seems Kim Jong Un loves Pokemon Go

And there's a bit of noncery going on with the game.


And finally...

Here's a new about mobiles phones and in particular whilst at traffic lights.

Pokemon Go

Seems this new game is all the rage now, with people wandering around with their phones looking for Pokemon characters in their street.

I saw a Pokemon in the street once, right after I'd had an acid tab.

Here's a rare one I found yesterday

So what next for these "games"?  Rumour has it the Police are going to start using it in their fight against crime.

They're going to wander around looking at their phones to see where the nasty crims are and then go in the opposite direction, looking for someone who called someone on Twitter a "twat" or something.

There's going to be loads of copies of this game, can see it now.

So, Monkey on Toast Gaming Enterprises presents a new "Augmented Frielity" game for you!

Get your phone out, and hunt down those Anna Friels.



Not very Nice

It seems that Nice wasn't a terror attack after all.


Worst series of Big Brother, ever!

When I saw this headline on the BBC site:

I actually thought, "Well that won't do her chances of becoming Labour leader much good"


More EU woes

The EU is set to ban black olives.


Facebook Fuckwitts

There's more gullible idiots on Facebook.


Can we just...

Stop killing each other?


Andy Burnham is a tosser

I always thought Andy Burnham was alright, a bit of a gem in a pool of wankers.

But it seems I was wrong, after his announcement on Twitter today:

I have often wondered why the BBC refer to ISIS as "so-called Islamic State", but to campaign for it not to be used is ridiculous.

They are not Islamic or a State, the prized prick says.

Of course they're fucking Islamic, you colossal cockwomble.  They're hardly fucking agnostics or atheists are they?

And to say they're not a state?

I beg to differ, they're a right fucking state, if you ask me.

Let's just call them Ken from now on then, eh?


Speaking of ISIS

Word reaches Toast Towers about ISIS relaxing the women driver rule.

This is a genuine screenshot of what MSN news looked like yesterday.

Nigel Farage resign headline along with an advert for Canesten.

That's Canesten.

For thrush.

What does Nigel Farage and an irritating twat have in common?

I'll just leave this here, m'lud.

Swiper, no swiping!

There's a new rant about online dating.


How racist!

Polish boy told to “Go home”


James Martin is still pissing me off

Asda are still pushing the “I don’t usually do <day of week>” adverts but now there’s more than ever.

Because Sunday and Thursday are now the same.

And he’s moved on to men.

According to “Richard” he as a trip to The Lakes with his boys this week and needs something to fuel them up Scarfell Pike.

Now, first things first.  Why is he taking his lads out of school to drag their whiny arses up Scarfell Pike?

Twice a week.

James’ marvellous “recipe” is to cut a tiger loaf in half, stick some roast chicken and pesto in, stick the lid and let the bread get all moist.

Like his kids will eat that.

Just give the fuckers some Dairylea and save the chicken for yourself.

I really hate this adverts though, really REALLY hate them.


New rant!

Here's a new rant about the EU Referendum, democracy and the state of the country.



The UK has banned flags.

Apologies for no update last week, I was working on something.... And I couldn't get it right...

More on that later...


Orlando, Boom.

After Orlando where 50 people were murdered, basically for being gay, the root cause is still being analysed.

Some say he pledged allegiance to ISIS shortly before carrying his act of violence out on innocent victims.

Whether that's true or not, does it matter?  He's still a murderer.

Word is now that he was in fact a regular visitor to the club, not in a reconnaisance way but in a "I'd like to meet men" way.

He's also been said to have been on gay dating apps.

For all intents and purposes, the guy was gay.  We live in a modern society, we all accept that, right?

Except the guy was a Muslim.

And instead of dealing with his sexuality like everybody else, he decided that he didn't like what he was.

I'm sure there are people who feel like this all over the world.  Not everyone accepts their own sexuality, so they suppress it.

What they don't do it take a gun and go and tear shit up.

Omar obviously had a decision to make, be gay and accepted by his peers or be dictated by a savage religion.

He could have used his religion as a reason not to frequent gay clubs and be with men.

But he took it one step further, a step much too far.

He killed innocent people in the name of his religion.

A lot has been made about this attack as being homophobic, personally I don't think it is.

I think this was an attack born out of Omar's inability to be a person, what he was was just a Muslim.

Muslims can be gay just like any religion.

The radicals will argue that this cannot be the case, which is why gay men are beheaded or thrown off buildings in the Middle East.

Only a radical would put religion over life, instead of being happy with his lot, leading the life he clearly wanted he had to go with the radical side of Islam and do something about it.

He chose the wrong option.

The Koran may well say that homosexuality is wrong, in the same way the Bible does.  But we don't live in the stone age anymore.

The only talking snakes are in The Jungle Book.

Do you have to take YOUR book so literally?

Do you REALLY need a book written thousands of years ago to tell you how to live your life?

Of course you don't.  Regardless of your religion, we are governed by laws and morals.

If the Muslims don't like the way we are in the West, why do they come here?  It makes no sense.

It's an old cliche that us Westerners wouldn't go to Iran, Iraq, Saudi etc. and behave the way we do here without expecting some kind of consequences or retribution, it's old but it's true.  No matter how beautiful some of these countries are (or were before ISIS got hold) I wouldn't go if I felt that the way I lived was against how the locals lived.

Maybe we should limit the Muslims we DO take into the country?

How about we only accept the gay ones?

And hope they're not suicide bummers.


Vote Beaver


Referendum is almost here

We're 2 days away from the EU Referendum and the dirty tricks are still in full swing.

Current polls make it look like Brexit could well win here, so Politicians are calling for the Referendum to be cancelled altogether.

Not exactly democratic is it?

The fact is, no side really knows what will happen if we leave OR stay in, you can't predict the future.

But if we DID leave, would it really be that bad?

Chances are other countries would follow, and maybe, just maybe that is what the EU needs as a whole?

A chance to get out and reform.

David Cameron has been saying today that if we left that is it for good, there is no turning back.  However, I am absolutely certain that if a future Government decided we had to be back in then there we'd be welcomed back.  The EU needs us.

I'm all reform, and Brexit could actually be a way of many countries pulling out of a union, working together to create EU2.

Who knows.

No matter what the decision on the 23rd it has to be ratified by Parliament, so they'll vote against a Brexit happening anyway.

Which I presume is the only reason Cameron allowed the Referendum in the first place.


Tell me why I don't like....

There's a mini-rant about James Martin's Asda adverts.


And finally...

An EU Referendum song, just for you!