Pokemon Go

Seems this new game is all the rage now, with people wandering around with their phones looking for Pokemon characters in their street.

I saw a Pokemon in the street once, right after I'd had an acid tab.

Here's a rare one I found yesterday

So what next for these "games"?  Rumour has it the Police are going to start using it in their fight against crime.

They're going to wander around looking at their phones to see where the nasty crims are and then go in the opposite direction, looking for someone who called someone on Twitter a "twat" or something.

There's going to be loads of copies of this game, can see it now.

So, Monkey on Toast Gaming Enterprises presents a new "Augmented Frielity" game for you!

Get your phone out, and hunt down those Anna Friels.



Not very Nice

It seems that Nice wasn't a terror attack after all.


Worst series of Big Brother, ever!

When I saw this headline on the BBC site:

I actually thought, "Well that won't do her chances of becoming Labour leader much good"


More EU woes

The EU is set to ban black olives.


Facebook Fuckwitts

There's more gullible idiots on Facebook.


Can we just...

Stop killing each other?


Andy Burnham is a tosser

I always thought Andy Burnham was alright, a bit of a gem in a pool of wankers.

But it seems I was wrong, after his announcement on Twitter today:

I have often wondered why the BBC refer to ISIS as "so-called Islamic State", but to campaign for it not to be used is ridiculous.

They are not Islamic or a State, the prized prick says.

Of course they're fucking Islamic, you colossal cockwomble.  They're hardly fucking agnostics or atheists are they?

And to say they're not a state?

I beg to differ, they're a right fucking state, if you ask me.

Let's just call them Ken from now on then, eh?


Speaking of ISIS

Word reaches Toast Towers about ISIS relaxing the women driver rule.

This is a genuine screenshot of what MSN news looked like yesterday.

Nigel Farage resign headline along with an advert for Canesten.

That's Canesten.

For thrush.

What does Nigel Farage and an irritating twat have in common?

I'll just leave this here, m'lud.

Swiper, no swiping!

There's a new rant about online dating.


How racist!

Polish boy told to “Go home”


James Martin is still pissing me off

Asda are still pushing the “I don’t usually do <day of week>” adverts but now there’s more than ever.

Because Sunday and Thursday are now the same.

And he’s moved on to men.

According to “Richard” he as a trip to The Lakes with his boys this week and needs something to fuel them up Scarfell Pike.

Now, first things first.  Why is he taking his lads out of school to drag their whiny arses up Scarfell Pike?

Twice a week.

James’ marvellous “recipe” is to cut a tiger loaf in half, stick some roast chicken and pesto in, stick the lid and let the bread get all moist.

Like his kids will eat that.

Just give the fuckers some Dairylea and save the chicken for yourself.

I really hate this adverts though, really REALLY hate them.


New rant!

Here's a new rant about the EU Referendum, democracy and the state of the country.



The UK has banned flags.

Apologies for no update last week, I was working on something.... And I couldn't get it right...

More on that later...


Orlando, Boom.

After Orlando where 50 people were murdered, basically for being gay, the root cause is still being analysed.

Some say he pledged allegiance to ISIS shortly before carrying his act of violence out on innocent victims.

Whether that's true or not, does it matter?  He's still a murderer.

Word is now that he was in fact a regular visitor to the club, not in a reconnaisance way but in a "I'd like to meet men" way.

He's also been said to have been on gay dating apps.

For all intents and purposes, the guy was gay.  We live in a modern society, we all accept that, right?

Except the guy was a Muslim.

And instead of dealing with his sexuality like everybody else, he decided that he didn't like what he was.

I'm sure there are people who feel like this all over the world.  Not everyone accepts their own sexuality, so they suppress it.

What they don't do it take a gun and go and tear shit up.

Omar obviously had a decision to make, be gay and accepted by his peers or be dictated by a savage religion.

He could have used his religion as a reason not to frequent gay clubs and be with men.

But he took it one step further, a step much too far.

He killed innocent people in the name of his religion.

A lot has been made about this attack as being homophobic, personally I don't think it is.

I think this was an attack born out of Omar's inability to be a person, what he was was just a Muslim.

Muslims can be gay just like any religion.

The radicals will argue that this cannot be the case, which is why gay men are beheaded or thrown off buildings in the Middle East.

Only a radical would put religion over life, instead of being happy with his lot, leading the life he clearly wanted he had to go with the radical side of Islam and do something about it.

He chose the wrong option.

The Koran may well say that homosexuality is wrong, in the same way the Bible does.  But we don't live in the stone age anymore.

The only talking snakes are in The Jungle Book.

Do you have to take YOUR book so literally?

Do you REALLY need a book written thousands of years ago to tell you how to live your life?

Of course you don't.  Regardless of your religion, we are governed by laws and morals.

If the Muslims don't like the way we are in the West, why do they come here?  It makes no sense.

It's an old cliche that us Westerners wouldn't go to Iran, Iraq, Saudi etc. and behave the way we do here without expecting some kind of consequences or retribution, it's old but it's true.  No matter how beautiful some of these countries are (or were before ISIS got hold) I wouldn't go if I felt that the way I lived was against how the locals lived.

Maybe we should limit the Muslims we DO take into the country?

How about we only accept the gay ones?

And hope they're not suicide bummers.


Vote Beaver


Referendum is almost here

We're 2 days away from the EU Referendum and the dirty tricks are still in full swing.

Current polls make it look like Brexit could well win here, so Politicians are calling for the Referendum to be cancelled altogether.

Not exactly democratic is it?

The fact is, no side really knows what will happen if we leave OR stay in, you can't predict the future.

But if we DID leave, would it really be that bad?

Chances are other countries would follow, and maybe, just maybe that is what the EU needs as a whole?

A chance to get out and reform.

David Cameron has been saying today that if we left that is it for good, there is no turning back.  However, I am absolutely certain that if a future Government decided we had to be back in then there we'd be welcomed back.  The EU needs us.

I'm all reform, and Brexit could actually be a way of many countries pulling out of a union, working together to create EU2.

Who knows.

No matter what the decision on the 23rd it has to be ratified by Parliament, so they'll vote against a Brexit happening anyway.

Which I presume is the only reason Cameron allowed the Referendum in the first place.


Tell me why I don't like....

There's a mini-rant about James Martin's Asda adverts.


And finally...

An EU Referendum song, just for you!

The Daily Fail

The Daily Mail ran a story a few days ago about a student who tore into David Cameron during a live TV debate.

During the debate she accused pig loving Cameron of waffling and scaremongering over the EU referendum.

Student Soraya Bouazzaoui interrupted the Prime Minister as he bumbled his way through a pitch for the Remain campaign.

She’s since won plaudits on Twitter from people saying that she managed to say what other people were thinking.

However, the article (which has since been rewritten, I hasten to add) then goes on about Soraya herself, how she likes to party and post selfies on Facebook – many of which “attract Likes”.

Now, here is the crux of many a Daily Mail article, it’s all about the Likes!

What the hell does posting selfies and people “liking” them have to do with anything at all?  The original article (before it was extended to contain more content about the referendum and the EU and less about Soraya) went into great detail about the kind of pictures she posted on Facebook and how many likes she got, rather than concentrating on her views on the EU.

But then again, is that even news? 

Woman tells Cameron he’s waffling shocker!

Student who isn’t a politician has view on EU EXCLUSIVE!

I have an opinion on the EU but it’s not on the cover of any newspaper, it’s not news.

But this kind of shit is typical of the Daily Mail.

I don’t read the Mail by the way, it’s badly written nonsense which is published without being proof read or spell checked (hence the article last year which stated a man had been “Shit dead”) but I do like to go on the site for material.

Another thing about the Daily Mail is that they’re obsessed with age, as if it’s new to them.

I saw 2 articles the other day which could have acted as a template for “What has happened to x celebrity?!

The first one was about Hugh Grant, asking the question “What’s happened to Hugh Grant?

He was on a beach, he’s got a bit of a paunch, moobs, and was wearing baggy shorts.

Fuck me, is that the worst they can do?  Is that news?

So, what HAS happened to Hugh Grant?  Well, he’s got older for a start.  He’s 55 now. 

Is he supposed to hit the gym 5 times a week to keep some vapid blert at “FeMail” happy?   

Since when has it been a crime for a 55 year old fella to have a belly, moobs and a shit haircut?

And then on the same day the other “article” in “FeMail” showed 6 actors and actresses from some American show I’ve never seen.

It showed them 10 years ago and then again now, and asked the usual question “What the hell has happened to the cast of <Insert show name here>?

The answer is that, funnily enough, they look about 10 years older because, you know, they pissing well are 10 years older.

Given that they’ve gone from their 20’s to their 30’s they’re still good looking people and haven’t really changed that much.  Ones got bigger tits, one fella has a beard.

The Mail is obsessed with it though, they just can’t comprehend that we all get older. 


All Rosie

News reaches Toast Towers about Rose West and the prison football team.



The forum has been removed as it was about as popular as Judas.


More cliches

Remember the rant about Shit things about TV and Movies well there's a part 2 now!


Kim Thong Un

Turns out Kim Jong Un likes ladies pants!


A big shout out

We're told Chris Evans has a new job.


And finally...

Here's some more thoughts on the EU referendum.