Clearly the Coronavirus is going to be dominating our lives for the next few weeks, possibly months, I dunno.

We obviously need to halt the spread of the thing and people remaining at home as much as possible with limited trips to shops which will help massively.

But, what about those out for exercise or those who need to walk their dogs?

I've been taking my dog out after tea during the week as there's generally fewer people on the streets.  If I see another person coming towards me on the same side of the street then I'm crossing the road.

I feel like a white American in the 60's, crossing the road to avoid black people.  But, of course, it's a necessity.

I've been exaggerating my actions, purposefully so that others than see that I'm taking it seriously and hope they are too.

Seriously, 2 metres apart?  Ain't no sucker getting within 20 metres of me!  

But you know what?  Can you guess who are the most ignorant people I've seen about this whole social distancing thing since the lockdown on Tuesday?  RUNNERS.

Yep, I've seen them quite happily run past people without a care in the world.  They're not even 1 metre apart in most cases, they're close to touching the people they're passing.

They're running or jogging so likely to have their mouths open, breathing heavily, possibly spitting.  They're likely to be passing any germs on as they do so even without knowing it.

None of them have got anywhere near me as I'm on the other side of the road but it worries me that the people they are passing aren't shouting at them, telling them to keep their distance.

I'd be going ballistic if it was me!

I do know 3 people who go out running though and they're really taking this seriously so I can't criticise all of them but out of every person I've seen out and about the streets who are simply not abiding by the social distancing rules it's runners and joggers.

Which leads me on to something else.

Derbyshire Police have been using drones to shame walkers who are out on the peaks, which seems a bit draconian even in a time of lockdown.  You see, surely it's safer to be out there than trying to avoid hordes of people in the street?  Yes, we are in lockdown but it's simply not possible to expect people NOT to leave their houses at all.  People still have to exercise, and as I said, people need to walk dogs.  

I had an argument with someone on Twitter a few days ago about this where I suggested that I can drive 10-15 minutes and be out in the countryside.  I can park up, go for a walk and not see another person for an hour or more.  That's properly social distancing!  Surely that's safer for me to do that?  Their argument, "What if you have an accident?"

Well, that could happen walking down the street.  There's more accidents happening in the home right now because people are doing DIY and such like.  

I'm not suggesting or advocating people flocking to beauty spots, far from it, but depending where you live sometimes it's possible to get away from all the mouth breathers walking round the streets and being totally isolated.


Mild Peril

Hipster in beard oil peril


Ragwatch #1

Gemma Collins misses chance to stuff fat face


Paedo Watch

Paedos exploit rainbow pictures


Ragwatch #2

Naga Munchetty walks off



Did Greta Thunberg create the Coronavirus?


And finally...

A few words about Amazon's latest show, Hunters.





Corona Virus then!

It's not going away is it, and it won't when everyone ignores the warnings to stay at home as much as possible and social distance where possible when out.

The panic buying was still going on at the weekend although I do wonder now if things are starting to calm down on that front.  Surely you've all got enough bog roll by now?


I simply can't understand how on earth the Government let the Cheltenham Festival go ahead, this was even after all football matches had been postponed.  Someone somewhere has had a right backhander for that, and frankly they deserve another one of a different kind along with an upper cut, a right hook and a swift kick in the bollocks.

There are many cases of Corona that have come directly from Cheltenham, why on earth hundreds of thousands of people over several days were allowed to be exposed to this is unreal.


Has the lockdown gone far enough?

It had to happen, but essentially Boris has only really reiterated what he said last week, only this time he's said there might be fines.  Where are the police to do this?

I will still walk my dog, I WON'T talk to anyone else and recently I've crossed the road to avoid people anyway, it's not the being out that's the problem it's the fact you're within 2 metres of people and potentially touching contaminated things.  But we should have been sensible to begin with.

The weather was nice over the weekend so we saw people go to areas of natural beauty.  Fine, if you're the only one there.  Not fine when you get there and thousands of people have had the same idea.

I drove past a racecourse on Sunday and saw dozens of cars parked up so people could walk around the course.  Dozens!  How is that social distancing?  It just isn't!

McDonalds decide to close so people queue for hours to get their last fix of a Big Mac or Bacon McMuffin.  What the hell are you doing you absolute weapons?


News in brief #1

Man panics at tea bag


Lockdown Part 2

We all need to understand what this means for us, we need to stay at home as much as possible.  Limit the shopping to as infrequent as possible, give people a wide berth, let's stop this from spreading.

If you have access to BBC iPlayer then watch a documentary they did in 2018 called "Contagion", it will open your eyes to what's going on now, it is scarily accurate.

But also have some sense with others.  A friend of the Toast was out with her 2 children yesterday, just for a walk down the street and was shouted at by a bloke with shopping bags.

So, it's not OK for her to get some fresh air with her children, they weren't interacting with other people or touching park equipment like swings and slides, yet it's OK for this old guy to have gone shopping.  Presumably he kept away from everyone in the store?  Unreal.

We need common sense, patience and understanding.

We can beat this thing if we work together and not get on at each other.


Finally on Corona for this time...

As I said last time, now is not the time for political point scoring and moaning but I still saw people's reactions to Boris' speech last night; people couldn't wait to start claiming things like "Police state!" and "Fascism!"

Give over, this is for all our benefit.


And finally... News in brief #2

Software developer continues self-isolation



So then, Corona Virus!

It's spreading fast across the world and there's lots of seemingly fake news being spread about it too.

Some of it is just ludicrous, it's made up by either idiots or people who think they know what they are talking about!

I've seen claims that having hot drinks or taking hot baths will kill the virus! What?

Of course, a lot of this stuff is shared across Facebook as always, but again people are blindly just sharing stuff without checking first.

Please, stop doing this, it is not helpful and just makes things worse.


Politicising Corona

This really annoys me.  As if there isn't enough going on without the Left turning this in to a "This is all Brexit's fault" thing.

Because the UK leaving the EU IN December THIS year is the reasion why a load of people in China were eating bats and contaminating the rest of the world.

OK... (*Makes cuckoo sound like in the cartoons*)

What's worse about it being politicised though are those who are absolutely desperate for people to die just so they can have a dig at Boris.

When it was announced that Health Minister Nadine Dorries had it people were happy, they were actually saying, "Good, another Tory gone".

Like, WTF people?! These are people dying of a new condition that has no vaccine and because a Tory is affected it's classed as good news.

Leave the politics for another day, eh?  Point scoring shouldn't be taking place here, there's more important things to worry about.

(For the record, Nadine is recovering, she isn't dead!  But that hasn't stopped the nasty comments)


MOT Headlines #1

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Corona Virus.


Is Boris doing enough?

Prime Minister Boris Johnson can't really win can he?  He's damned if he does, damned if the doesn't.

Is he doing enough to contain and limit the spread of Corona?

I mean, Karen on Facebook says he should have locked down the entire country and she's an expert because she sits in front of a computer for a living.

Should we be copying Italy where the country is in lock down?  I don't know.  Boris is surrounded by scientists, not Karen from Facebook or some twat on Twitter.

The Chief Medical Officer is thought to be a very likeable, intelligent and knowledgeable man.  

Isn't Boris right to be taking the advice from his own CMO?  Why would someone in such a position seek advice from someone with no background in medicine?

Time will tell if he's followed the right advice, as things spread they might need to change tack.  That's not a "U-Turn" for those point scoring pricks, it's reactionary and shows he's not just sticking with 1 plan.

So, sorry, Dave from Twitter, you're a window cleaner in Bedford, you're not an expert on viruses, we'll not be listening to you today.


Speaking of experts...

There are so many people who think they know what's going on, the fact is, most of us have no clue as to how bad it is.  Yes, you always get those who say, "Oh it's not that bad, it's just like a bad cold" but these are the same dolts who say they have flu when they have a bog standard cold.

I've had proper full blown flu several times in my life and I can tell you, it knocks the shit out of you.  I last had it in 2013 despite having my annual flu injection months previous.  The normal flu virus really does leave you absolutely fucked for days.  In fact, if death was an option I'd have taken it, that's how awful it was.  They say the true test of it is to leave a £20 on the floor in front of the patient and if they won't move to pick it up you know it's flu.  It's funny when you say it, but seriously, I really would have taken death at that time.

There's so many experts on Facebook too, spreading "helpful hints" on how not to get it or to test if you do have it.

They've not been around anyone who has is it, so these "helpful hints" are just made up bullshit.  Like the "Hold your breath for 10 seconds and if you can do it without coughing then you don't have it"

Stupid, stupid people!

Why would you believe a hairdresser on Facebook over the World Health Organisaton for gods sake? 

And let's ignore those people who post status updates that they have the virus and what the symptoms are.

Piss off, if you've got it, you ain't gonna be on Facebook regaling us all with your tales of illness, you're going to be in bed feeling like absolute death. Cretin.

And those people who share these stories, you don't even know them!  If it was one of your mates that's had it that's different, but you're sharing a story from someone you don't know that hasn't been checked out.  Why you do that?  It's just nonsense.


Let's go shopping

Panic buying.  FFS, what are you doing you dicks?  You've bought 27 toilet rolls, why?  Planning on getting the shits?

Corona virus doesn't give you the runs.

If you're self isolating you don't need more than a week's worth of bog roll.

If you have the virus you won't be shitting at all, because you won't be eating.

What the hell are you doing buying up everything?  There's no need.  A weekly shop is enough to get by.

I'm actually really fucking embarrassed about the state of the country behaving in this way.  You're all a bunch of selfish, ignorant sheep.

You're stopping the elderly and vulnerable from getting what they need, just because you think you need a years worth of pasta, rice and loo roll.

Congratulations on being an arsehole.

Funny though, you've bought up all the pasta but the shelves are still full of pasta sauce.  You eating that pasta on it's own huh?



MOT Headlines #2

Diane Abbott thought COVID-19 was a Welsh lad's Tinder profile name.


Are you worried about Corona?

I know I am.  As someone with a history of chest infections (don't smoke, kids) and a lower immune system due to Diabetes I'm worried, of course I am.

Having told you in a previous paragraph that I've had flu several times, it worries me that I could be struck down with it.

I travel on public transport for 80 minutes a day where people cough without putting their hands to their mouths and I touch handrails (I was going to say I touch poles but that sounded a bit gay) and doors that dirty people have touched.

It's always hot, it has to be a breeding ground for a bacteria and the like, surely?

I'm very hygienic, always wash my hands after the toilet etc but I'm doing it even more now.

We can all help to stop the spread of it if we continue this.

Maybe we could sing a song at the virus too?  That might help.

We could get that Brit girl weirdo to stop singing about the EU for a bit and do some songs about Corona.

And that "Stop Brexiiiittttt" shouting nonce who stands outside parliament all day every day.  Maybe he could shout "Go away Coronnnnnaaaaa" into his loudhaler?

Maybe get Chuck Norris and Zlatan Ibrahimovic to fight it, them two will put Corona in self-isolsation.

I'm not trying to stir anything up here, it is a genuine threat and I hope we tackle it before it's too late.  Stay safe people, genuinely.


And finally...

Was Vicky the Viking the first trans nightmare?


Try not to die, bitches!





Welcome back to another update!  Time flies doesn't it!

Let's start this time with a Facebook Fuckwitt!

Picture the scene, someone responds to an article about Gemma Collins with long hair.

One lady replies saying how her new hair makes "The GC" (eugh) "more safisticated".

Cue one lady who points out the spelling...

safisticated 1

and then loads of people jumping in saying how nasty this lady is to point out a spelling error...

This was my favourite though:

safisticated 2

Predictive text!  Her phone does it all the time!  Yes, of course predictive text suggests non existent words!!  Given that predictive text works off a dictionary then the word must be in there to begin with.



MOT Headlines #1

Jeremy Corbyn wants to meet with the Corona Virus to explore a deal.


Let's hear it for

The Caring Left


MOT Headlines #2

Health Chiefs want to meet Rick Grime to discuss how to survive Corona Virus



Not sure what the BBC are trying to do in this article.

It's almost like they're trying to get all hip and "down with the yoof".

Look at the writing style, it's like it's been written by someone from The Sun.

Use of the word "japester" and "wag" just don't sit right in a BBC article.

Please make it stop.


Word of Woke

I see they've remade "You and Me" for 2020.


Brexit Boohoo #3

This is brilliant. One woman absolutely incensed because someone wanted a coin:

brexit boohoo 3 1

You're angry at a man you did not see who asked for the Brexit coin/s from the Post Office.  For a start your husband could have made it up, or been mistaken.

One thing is for sure, your hsband is a right nosey old fucker.  You're angry over a coin.

Now, let's assume this old fella exists and asked for the coins, and received them (which seems to have irked you even more, as though the Post Office should have refused them), who is to say that he wasn't just a coin collector?   Maybe he was like some of the other people we've featured who do things to the coins like drawing the Nazi symbol on it?  You don't, you've just assumed he's got them to gloat.  Grow up.


Then we have a reply from an FBPE'r:


brexit boohoo 3 2Why didn't you interfere with my life?


"Yeah, he can have mine!  I don't have any...."  How can you give away something you don't have or ever had?  It's just such a childish response!  Both of these ladies were certainly mature enough to know better, but no, let's get down with the insults.  Gammon, that is so 2019.  Again, an assumption is made by the lady replying as to why the bloke wanted the coins.

Bizarre people.

It makes me want to create a new Twitter account to interact with people like this, whereby I suggest the person they're talking about is me and that I am a coin collector.... See if there's an apology.  It could be a new hobby.


And finally...

Why didn't you interfere with my life?


Until next time!


Sonos customers were "outraged" recently when the company announced some of the older devices won't be able to upgrade to latest versions.

Why would people be outraged, I don't get it?  All devices stop getting updates at some point!

My 4 year old LG phone hasn't been upgraded for ages, it's part of the software lifecycle.  People's tablets and other devices don't get supported forever.

My Sony Blu-ray player hasn't been updated for about 7 years!

There's always something for people to get pissed off at, it's just ridiculous.

Now, I'm off to badger Sony to see if there's a firmware update for my Betamax VCR.


Brexit Boohoo #1

So, Brexit has happened then.  Although nothing's really changed has it?

The bedwetters are still out in force though.

brexit boohoo 1

Yes, let's equate Brexit to Nazism, well done you.

I mean, it was only last week I saw Jews have their front doors painted "Juden" whilst a load of Jews were herded off to a "train station".

What an absolute plonker this guy is.  It's a shame the act of defacing a coin was changed in the Coin Act 1978, prior to that he'd had had a good solid beating.

Let's hope he still does.


World of Woke

We've some new TV episodes in World of Woke!


Get offended at sports chat in the office?

Don't be a melt.


Brexit Boohoo #2

brexit boohoo 2

Ah the old classic, people who voted for Brexit are thick, old, uneducated racists.

Despite many of those who voted for Brexit coming from the upper classes and from top education.

One day we might re-enter the EU, who knows?  If Labour somehow manage to get in they might go for it, I really don't know.  We have to make do for now as we can't change it.  However, this notion that people of Laura's generation are better is just horseshit.  Better at what?  They don't want to work because long hours upsets them, they think they're entitled to mega pay for menial jobs, although menial jobs "is slavery, innit"

Laura says [they] "will never stop fighting", but they'll be too weak from all the vegan food.  They haven't fought to begin with, all they've done is insult people.


And finally...

Rag Watch is back, with another Karen Matthews story.

Until next time, don't have nightmares.